It's never okay to be harsh on kids

metivim (46)in #btc • 4 years ago

If your kids are in need of more structure, you shouldn't give them too many warnings before doling out discipline as they'll take the initial threat of it less seriously than they would over more consistent and immediate correction

Various thoughts on parenting using own life as base. Each flows into the next be it smoothly or abrupt... Enjoy.

We had a limited amount of things like cookies and yogurt each week. Growing up.

We could eat them all if we wanted on Monday night. Fully informed there's no more (never was) letting us decide and learn the consequence of our actions. Especially moderation (when not able to treat yourself with your own money) and value in items as well as each others placed value on items.

The amount of washing up I didn't have to do cos I traded my sister a chocolate bar and packet of crisps for her to do it because she's already finished her weeks treats.

Set rules, read them and think how fair are they?

As a child you are brought into a world you didn't ask to be brought into with no power or value reinforced by most experiencesn and grown ups actions. So although to a autonomous adult the rules may seem okay to the child using the logic they have so far can feel they aren't fair. If immediately ignored the only thing they can do to assert themselves is deny the rules.

This being my uneducated attempt at talking out my arse using anecdotal evidence like a schmuck.

Parenting is done by newly crowned people previously just kids themselves. The main source of knowledge on what to do coming from their parents also just kids until they had to raise one. It's hard as fuck. Most are not prepared. Seems impossible to gather the energy to work at it and far too easy to ignore/deny or blame instead.

Your kids are a nightmare or 1 is whilst the other is alright. They drain you for 18 years ignore you for about 4 to 8 then through life experiences as an adult come to realise what you instilled in them during childhood and come back with appreciation. All dependent of course that you impart core values like love, respect, understanding and unfiltered/altered life.

Meaning teach your kids about bad things.

Innocence is a made up concept and an educated child in real danger is safer than a child who's kept it's "innocence" simply cos teaching reality is hard and tricky especially to young kids and peddling illogical nonsense like "don't talk to strangers" is easier... literally this can raise more questions just think now as a grown up.

"Don't talk to strangers".

Okay what if the stranger introduces themselves to you or lies stating they "know" or are "friends" with your parent? These simple "teachings" that save the parent having to bother with added hassle. Creates opertinitues for kids experience and logic to be abused.

Only giving a rule with no reason, leaves a child unprepared and uninformed.

Imagine being told you can't do something and with what knowledge you have saying there's no reason you can't do it. You're likely to ask why? To understand the reason and decide if you agree. How frustrating or angry would you get if never given an explanation especially if you are trapped unable to leave.

Kids understand cause and effect from birth it doesn't go for a bit from ages 3 to 8 so why act like it does. Respecting kids isn't the same as allowing yourself to be disrespected.

My main issue is the rise in "protecting" kids from anything deemed a killer of "innocence" for no real reason other than I believe lazy parenting valid or not on life situation.

Rant over. Although I do recognise sometimes a cunt kid is just that; a cunt. Humanity in a nutshell.

Edit: structure and grammar. Typing on phone with cat laying on my face demanding pets. Apologies.

Edit 2: Warning of meandering thoughts.

Edit 3: Cat tax paid...

While some criticized you for how you wrote all this out, I appreciate that you did so and I think I got the gist of what you meant.

While I do think there's something to be said for allowing children to have a childhood and not exposing them to the harshest cruelties of the world early, I agree with what you mean in also not trying to protect them from absolutely everything.

Children do need to experience consequences for their actions(at the right age).

Children need to come to terms with not always having someone to help them(at the right age).

Children need to learn that their parent(s) aren't infallible(at the right age).

I could go on. I absolutely think kids should be allowed to learn their own hard life lessons. And as parents, we should be there to help pick them up, dust them off and get them ready to try again. At the same time though, parents need to know that you can't show them the whole cruel world all at once. Ease them into it, try to impart some wisdom, but when they won't learn from your mistakes at least be there to pick them up when they learn from their own. I was a horrible parent! Then I started seeing my kid never listen and always throw tantrums. During his 2 year check up, I asked his pediatrician for help. Told her that we aren't very good parents and we needed help. She sent us to a behavioral therapist, the therapist would come over and watch us interact with our toddler, watch us at grocery stores etc. Tuned out, we always said no and we had no follow through or just gave in. She taught us to follow the 3 warning rule. 1: stop this behavior or this is your consequences 2: this is your consequences and follow through She said you never make it to 3 because at the beginning THEY ALWAYS do it again to test you. Anyway, works wonders and I am glad to be raising (hopefully) a decent human. Side Note: I asked a lot of family and friends before going to a professional. Personally, I would just skip all that and just go to the professional.

I think they were saying that step one is listing the consequences for the kid. And then at step two you enact them, because kids will invariably ALWAYS test limits. If you give them three strikes, they will cry, throw a fit, bargain for four, etc. You need to enact the punishment the FIRST time they go against whatever you told them to do. (Source: I used to be a teacher at a daycare.)

Ohh. I'm not a parent but I kinda do this with my dogs. Ill call their name and if they don't come/distracted/hear me I'll say "COME" just once. If they still don't come to me I go and grab them all the way to where I was standing. I set that expectation and it becomes automatic to them. If there's ever any danger I can get them away safely.

Other people ask how I got them to listen like that... then I see them plead "Fluffy sit! Sit. Siiiit. Sit. Sit! Sit SIT." And I'm like um you need to be the leader here not them. They'll still love you if you give them discipline, I promise.

Edit: I hold on to my dogs collar. Not drag or yank or tug. And she'll walk with me back to where I was standing. She's also a Malinois. That means I can't be aggressive with them but I have to be calm but direct because she can easily clear a fence for a squirrel if she wanted. She listens on first command now and has jobs to do so yall don't have to worry.

I am sorry but thats not how you train dogs. Positiv reinforcements are the standard way to go. Google click training.

What do you think how professional dogs get trained? Get dragged around until they find the drugs themselfes? They get rewards when they sligjtly do anything in the direction of what we want them to do. Again and again. Next time set the bar a little higher for the treat. For hours, days, weeks and months.

My dog can use a light switch. Try teaching him by pressing its head against the switch...

If you say "these methods are only for complex tasks and professionals" then imagine how good these methods work for simple tasks.

Beeing the leader or alpha is very....oldschool. Kinda like hitting children or giving them cold showers...

My dog will come to me, because i am the most interesting, best thing ever in his life. He learned that if i call his name, it is in his best interest to give me attention, because chances are something amazing is happening to him. Potentially a lot better than the thing he wanted to do before i called him.

I dont want to be rude to you. But you are applying backward methods here.

Yeah grabbing an animal and dragging it to where you are after you call them once is not training animals. Im sorry you think your doing well.

A dog will come to you if you train it correctly, the fact you have to go and get them shows you dont have recall ability. Rewarding them for positive behaviour will work much better than dragging them to where "come" is meant to be. Besides i doubt you would be able to break their interest from something they really want to investigate like a cat or other dogs or a big stinky pile of leaves because you have to grab them. Call them a few times with the same tone, dont get angry dont give emotion outside of "Come" to me. When they do, reward.

#watch #news #ufc

4 years ago in #btc by metivim (46)

$0.00

STEEM 0.14

TRX 0.12

JST 0.026

BTC 54691.22

ETH 2323.26

USDT 1.00

SBD 2.12

It's never okay to be harsh on kids

Coin Marketplace