I don't know if they're lost or new

in #breath2 years ago

I can give you many excuses. I can talk for a long time about the weather, the psychological damage of the economy that has collapsed to the bottom, and the never-ending cold. But you don't eat these excuses. Because that's exactly why we cut and divide sentences by hand. The sentences to be spoken accumulate as you exhale. It is collected, stacked in the shade of a household item. Then he goes to the next letter and settles down one day. Once it reaches you, and once it reaches me... There was a problem in this cycle for a while. I lost a lot of sentences...But... I finally found a solution to my loss: a voice recorder! I'm going to buy a voice recorder. There are a lot of discounts available right now. I will feel as if I have paid less, and there will be no unnecessary shopping. It will even be very useful. The first benefit was that I could write to you now. The possibility of finding the solution at least extended my hand to the keyboard.

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I don't know if it counts as an excuse; I haven't been for days, months. When sleep starts drying chili peppers in my eyes, the things I'm going to tell you come running from their hiding places. But I can't explain what kind of arrival this is... Sometimes my heart gets stuck because of the excitement. I dream of you: your face that you have fun reading. While your pupils are wandering in white, the blackness gets smaller and bigger... But the tired body does not get up for many different reasons. I can't write. It's like they're running around in my head. I ooze in the hum of an engine running inside me. It's morning, that festivity is wasted. No energy or enthusiasm. The fragmentary sentences I remember are as if a valuable member of the disabled association had died and was present at his funeral. With all due respect, I can't use it. The spark in you goes.
Maybe this moving story is in your face. New city, new air, new water, new faces… For some reason, the new ones to encourage me did not do their duty this time. I didn't shiver. New acquaintances did not open new horizons, flowers did not bloom in my hair... Probably the problem is me. But the universe didn't do its job well this time... I'm also unhappy with the lighting in this house. There is a triple chandelier in my study. Dont ask; Don't say why multiple chandeliers at a time when energy is so valuable. I said a lot. Anyway… I had loosened two of the bulbs in the chandelier. Maybe there is an electrical fault. One of them is burning softly. As I turned out the lights, I noticed her breathing. That's why we have a bad relationship with him. But it did shine a light on me. Thanks anyway.
My eyes started burning in my mind the other night as I was checking the chandelier's cables and removing a piece called "terminal" that I learned from the internet from my ceiling. The rumble of those who were to come had not yet come. Maybe they were frightened by the sound of the dryer running as if it was going to tour the house. I realized I was waiting. I was waiting quite a bit. So I actually had time. I could be prepared. I could catch every incoming sentence without missing a beat. But how? Without opening my eyes, without picking up a pen or my mobile phone… So that I wouldn't forget, I would talk to myself loudly, like crazy, without waking the people of the house from sleep… How would I record them all… Just like that lightbulb… Without realizing it... That's when the lightning flashed. I said great idea! It even works under the duvet. If I whisper, I remember what I mean by the breaking of my own voice. If I fall asleep it only records my breath (perhaps my snoring). I correct it when I wake up. Maybe I'm talking in my sleep. I know that too… When we were kids, we used to turn on flashlights under the covers and tell each other stories. I used to talk for a long time on the phone with my first date, I would flirt until the morning. I said okay girl, this will happen.
I slept so peacefully… I guess because I found a shortcut that would get me closer to you… I guess because I would feel safe while I was putting myself out…
It's funny... I have stories bouncing around in my mind right now. Lots of unconnected words, flying images... I don't know if they're lost or new ones... Some of them are familiar. Maybe it's what I wrote to you before. I'm a little embarrassed to feel this way before I even bought this device. But I did not create such a weakness as a light ball. I am absolutely sure of that.

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