Super glue !!!
Most HURTFUL heartbreak EVER....
The heartbreak where it ALL went shit show sideways the heartbreak that CHANGED me forever....
What was it in me that felt the need to hold on to someone so tightly that I lost every shred of dignity I had left ? And I didn't start out with a lot so now you can just imagine...
Someone that clearly had no problem loosing me ??? Someone that didn't even think I deserved a face to face goodbye before they made their exit in the most FUCKED up and Hurtful way....
I spent months weeks hours thinking analysing the shit out of my own behaviour ....if only i did x y z different... Then the what if's the should have could have would have.... Self Blame emotional hell that I was putting myself through....
I was so busy blaming myself for his hurtful behaviour that for months I believed it was all my fault , my reactions to his hurtful behaviour is what turned him in to an emotionally unavailable narcissist that just cared about himself .....
I was hurting myself more then the person who did the initial heartbreaking in the first place...
It was only when I hit rock bottom that I had no choice but to look up... It FORCED Me to get behind myself and face all my own bullshit... As I've said in my previous post it was in that moment every thing clicked I didn't value love or care much for myself and as the law of attraction goes you will only attract the level of love empathy ect that you have for yourself...
And as I had such little love and empathy for myself it came to no surprise that I kept attracting men who didn't love or respect me or my boundaries either ....Cause I had ZERO boundaries there was just no limit to the amount of disrespect disloyal dishonest mind fucking bullshit behaviour I would put up with ... I was a doormat with very low, i want to actually say no self esteem... And all of that in the name of PLEASE CHOOSE ME ,Please tell me I am enough Please love and validate me cause I can't love or validate myself....
What I have learnt so far on my journey to selflove WELL for a start you can't MAKE anyone do anything... they do what they want to do .... You and your reactions your insecurities your lack of self love low self esteem CAN NOT turn prince charming in to a narcissistic Asshole that lies cheats and needs a harm of woman to validate him.... THAT is who he is , was and will always be ... That is his bullshit ....
I have also learnt that it is totally okay normal and human to react to hurtful shit I am allowed to express my feelings in which ever way I want or need to as long as no one gets hurt!!! What is NOT healthy is having your feelings invalidated ignored or made out to be too emotional dramatic ... The other person does not get to decide how you feel when something they have done has hurt you....
Most importantly I've learnt to never EVER again justify why I feel hurt or why I reacted if the other persons behaviour is BLATANTLY fucked up and hurtful and they definitely 100% know right from wrong.....what would be the point of explaining to them? They knew it would hurt you but they chose to do it anyway regardless of how it would affect you ....
Lastly it has taught me to stay away from anyone that has zero empathy that is incapable of putting themselves in my shoes or anyone else's for that matter.... people that are super glued in to their own shoes... that make everything about them and then blames all their bad behaviour on everyone els ....
These people should receive an award for victimising themselves to the reactions that comes their way as a result of their selfish fucked up hurtful bullshit behaviour!!!! Someone that's incapable of taking accountability or show any signs of remorse...
My ex once said - I know why you react but the problem is you still react ...
And he was right the best way is to have boundaries and when you reach your limit WALK AWAY - justifying the crap out of why you are hurt to some one when it's obvious they have done something that was hurtful is a recipe for crazy making .... psycho labelling....
Image Samatha king (quotes)