The Magic Words for Influence and Impact
If you give me five minutes, you will learn the phrases that can help you influence, persuade and get what you want from others.
Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash
“How open minded are you about this reading fiction?”, the used bookstore sales clerk asked me. “Well, I certainly enjoy reading fiction from time to time”. And after some more conversation about the book and other books, the fiction book was added to my pile of books to purchase. Mind you, I almost exclusively purchase and read non-fiction books, but at the time, I felt okay about purchasing a fiction book.
Little did I know that that clerk had influenced me into buying fiction. You see, if you want someone to consider something that they would not normally consider, all you have to say is “how open minded are you to…” or “would you be open minded to…” Try this experiment out: the next time you are in a meeting or in front of a crowd, ask everyone in the room to raise their hand or nod their heads if they think they are open minded. 90% of them will say yes. If I asked you if you are open minded, you likely would nod along too.
In Exactly What to Say, Phil M Jones describes the specific phrases to use, and how and when to use them for maximum impact and to persuade people into doing certain things. My favourite techniques / phrases:
Swap
Following a sales presentation, the question likely asked is “do you have any questions?” When you are asked that, it feels like you should have some questions, so in that moment if you do not have any, you go away trying to think of questions to ask later.
A simple swap of phrasing can help you out here. Instead of asking “do you have any questions?”, ask “what questions do you have for me?” This simple swap means that the easiest response is “I have no questions” and that also gives you the ability to control the conversation. When they say they have no questions, you will know that they have come to a decision and you can continue your line of inquiry.
You have Three Options
Imagine that I am trying to convince you to start a side hustle for more money. I lay out the benefits, but you think it is too risky. So, I tell you that you have three options:
- Option 1: You can try to get a new job with more money. You will have to go through the job application process, fix your resume, write cover letters, go through interviews, and you may end up doing the same work for about the same amount of money.
- Option 2: You can try to get a raise at your current job. But you don’t like your current work so you are getting more money to do more work that you don’t like.
- Option 3: You can start a side hustle. Since it is on the side, it only requires a bit of time, and who knows, if you earn enough through your side hustle, you aren’t tied to any job or employer. Plus, the side hustle is in something that you enjoy doing.
Of those three options, which is going to be better for you?
Most people would say Option 3 (another magic phrase that I’ll come to next).
But did you see what I did there? I laid out all three options, and then put the option that I wanted you to choose as the last one.
Most People
Ever go to a restaurant with a lot of great menu items and ask the cashier what the most popular items are? Or if you decide on a particular food item, but are then given two options, ask what most people choose?
We are influenced by the majority. We look at Yelp reviews to see what restaurants to eat at. We turn down Uber drives with less than 4 stars. Before purchasing almost anything, we look at reviews to see what others have said about it.
This makes the phrase a great way to influence people into specific actions. For example:
Most people order the starter package and then if they like it, decide on the full package as a follow-up
Most people fill out the forms and sign up now to receive the welcome package. Then we schedule you in for an appointment.
What Makes you Say That…
During different conversations (sales negotiations, excuses from co-workers, etc.), objections are often raised. Objections such as:
- I don’t have time
- I don’t have the money
- I’m not able to make the decision without consulting with others
When these objections are raised, the seller / convincer will often try to raise counterarguments to disprove their opinions. Except that isn’t the best way because often times, the initial objection is not the real objection. The best way then to stay curious for a little longer and try to get at the real objection.
- What makes you say that you do not have the time?
- What makes you say that you do not have the money?
- What makes you say that you are unable to make the decision yourself?
Staying curious a bit longer helps you understand their position, and gain more information on how you might be able to help them with the decision.
Final Thought
Most people, after reading through this and getting some new magical phrases to use, would clap for this post. See what I did there?
The worst time to try to come up with what to say is the moment before you are going to say it. I’m sure you can see the importance of having the right words at the right moment. Interested in more magic words? Check out Phil M Jones’ book Exactly What to Say.