Coming Out

I have been dreading this decision and postponing it for as long as I could—for months, almost a year. Or even more? I cannot tell for certain, really don't remember. It was like a nightmare and I was pushing it away—the further the better—but time has come to acknowledge the inevitable. I have had the water up to my neck; no, up to my mouth!, and with each time breathing in a fraction of truth was exhaled.

My closest friends already know about it, and now I am officially sharing it with everyone. After so much struggle and resistance, I am coming out as—indie author!

Probably this spring, in summer at latest (that is the plan) I will publish my first novella A World Without Color in English. Correction: self-publish! Still hard to accept the thought that I am actually doing it. I have a plan and a time-table, but I am not setting any deadlines for I do not want to put too much pressure on my shoulders. Any day will be a good day for A World Without Color to face the world, with no expectations and only gratitude.

I have translated A World Without Color a few years ago; I have even submitted it to agencies and publishers. But I have decided to give it a final go with it independently while I will keep searching for a literary agent for my novels Cruel Summer and January River.

The self-publishing process started more intensely in February this year when I tried to gather all, or as much as possible, information on how to do it. While I am still learning and asking dozens of questions to my fellow indie authors, I think one of the toughest parts is conquered.

Unlike other indie authors, I have started a reversed process, meaning with gathering information on how to handle my royalty payments from the books sold online, that is abroad. The beginning was a shocker because it felt like banging my head against the wall of ignorance, various information and even more questions that arose during the time. Thanks to many people from Croatia and abroad I talked to, my greatest concern is now settled. At least, I want to think so. But the bitter aftertaste of conducting an international business within Croatian borders keeps polluting the back of my mind like an unwanted alien presence.

Leaving it up to time to handle it, once more I remind myself how things have changed in the course of time of the past twenty years. Writers' and authors' job is not only to make stories and write books any more but also to evolve to a top-skilled self-publishing magicians. Because self-publishing is not easy, make no mistake about that. Publishing (and then marketing and selling) your first book will suck the life out of you and sometimes be a traumatizing experience. You would want to pull out your hair, smash things or just give up everything. But once you are past that thunderstorm of emotions and exhaustion, you will see the sunrise of a day and hear the ticking of the clock counting hours until the cover of your most precious e-book smiles back at you from the vastness of the Internet.

I will conclude this blog post with my admiration and respect to all self-published and indie authors who took pain, shed sweat and hard-labored their way to become both high-skilled and professional authors and publishers. I know how much you loved your books to go through all this and I hope and wish you will be rewarded through your book selling, excellent reviews and the growing number of your readers and followers.

More updates to come, so please stay tuned! 

Bernard Jan
www.bernardjan.com

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Copyright free photo by Alejandro Escamilla