The Essence Of Insanity! ”Veronika Decides To Die” by Paulo Cohelo #Bookchallenge Day3

“An intense life needs a touch of madness.”

I saw two Steemians posting The Alchemist @mistakili and @wolfgangsieberth who inspired me for supporting this idea and #bookchallenge on the #steem #blockchain and I thank everybody who participates. I am planning to resteem and also vote for every single post as long as my VP is high enough. Since I am freewriting on @esteemapp I rather do not translate this post in German. Tschuldigung!

Find Rules here :
Day1: https://steemit.com/steemit-austria/@mammasitta/hallihallo-steemit-austria-community-hier-ist-mein-aufruf-to-participate-in-a-7-tage-book-challenge-de-en-denglish-1-iboga
Day2: https://steemit.com/steemit-austria/@mammasitta/steemit-austria-bookchallenge-day-2-sylvia-plath-the-belle-jar-en-de

I nominate @heart-to-heart and @greencross @edje

Download a PDF File for The full version of Veronika decides to die

A book always appears at the right time at some particular moment!

Reviving the passion of life through suicide seems to be quite odd but it makes sense after reading those pages.

It tells the story of 24-year-old Slovenian Veronika, who appears to have everything in life going for her, but who decides to kill herself. This book is partly based on Coelho's experience in various mental institutions, and deals with the subject of madness.....Source/Wikipedia

Quotes from the book

People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves.”
Be crazy!
You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else.
You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you.”

”You are crazy!” How often did I hear those words?

How would I understand what crazy means for those who keep on throwing such confusing words in my face.
Am I too honest?
Am I abnormal?
Intense?
Am I too emotional, passionate and real?
Just a mad woman?
Oh well! I’m for sure not an easy personality.
Boring? Mediocre? Dramatic?

Be cautious!

I am NOT crazy! I AM “Insane”.

“Insanity is the inability to communicate your ideas. It's as if you were in a foreign country, able to see and understand everything that's going on around you but incapable of explaining what you need to know or of being helped, because you don't understand the language they speak there. We've all felt that. And all of us, one way or another, are insane.”

Time to reflect

I am still knocked out and dizzy after a few days in bed and so much time to think about my present little bit too weak state of mind. So much ridiculous "bullshit" I had to swallow in this last year but I purged it nearly all out again.

I finally had a chance to sit back and slow down (by force), let all those emotional months pass by in my mind. Some brain cells might be destroyed by now but most still work perfectly fine. I never take enough moments to reflect what is important, unless in my daily few minutes good night meditation, cleaning up most garbage.

I distract and entertain myself so well, never bored, keep walking and walking with a proud head up until I hit the brick wall again. I always wonder why I bang my head on the same wall on and on. Some bricks destroyed with my stubborn forehead. Why do I still allow to get hurt? I seem to find the pain or it finds me? Why? Maybe for once I want to be proven that my instincts are right that human beings are basically "GOOD" because when I run into “assholes”, I only want to believe in the innocent side about them, even feel a responsibility to show them. I do have a six sense and can see more than they even know about themselves. Sometimes it seems like a curse because shouldn't we keep distance from people they are not good for our well-being? I give too many chances and try to forgive.

I do not want to loose my smile

I do lots of foolish things on purpose or just enjoy simple laughter, dance, nature, music, books, museums, clubs, churches or temples, my homes and explore “love” of course. I don’t know that much about true love really. I can give so much of it but there is never enough in return from the ones I care most. I am craving pleasures, desire, delicious food as well passionate, respectful and honest sex. (It hasn’t always been like that, thinking about my 5 years of total abstinence without any interest) Yes! I am kind of extreme! I will find what feels right to me or it finds me. I also can let go of things I once liked over night, as soon as I realised that it damages my soul.

There is no-one else who takes care of my soul

I’m falling into my own emotion’s arms without thinking much of the effects it has on me and others. Makes sense? I do not wish to fear my true feelings anymore.
I always embrace what the universe presents kindly but too often with a cruel touch. Whatever feels and smells right, I am attracted to like a butterfly, looking for the nectar, the sources of life and love, to be able to survive too many strains and pains. Loving myself is the real healing! Loving others is complicated.

Life can be so wonderful as well as disastrous, from one second to another, just one storm needed and it changes all like Mandalas do.

Damage done! Baaang!

I love Apparat, actually I think it’s one of many wonderful Moderat songs I do listen on repeat for some of my darker days and nights.

DAMAGE Done

Scratch the words with false inspiration
A thorn buried deep in my side
Split lips cracked and parted
Pearly teeth cleft in half
[Chorus]
I see the damage I’ve done
Rip the tongue from my hide

[Verse 2]
I go out and stare at the sunlight
Until the tears stain my eyes
Find answers of questions unwanted
Scars decay from my mind

Different Lyrics I like as well >>>

Went inside the caves of seven wolves
Felt of the forces that lend themselves to speed
Those final words to fracture the very structure
Can't stand this glacial pace
The damage done
It seems these days are getting shorter
Derails my train of thought what said in hand was done
Chased unforgiveness down these corridors
Locked down the basis for the willing form
A trail far from strayed
The damage done set aside from eyes of others
Our frail structures can't keep up with the pace brought out for all to see
The damage done
Face contradicting needs
We bring our cages home
For none to see
In vain to lessen
Responsibility
The damage done

Suicide! A way out?

Not for me but Veronika got a point....Find out!

So much has happened and I am once again walking those razors edges, trying to fall off on the right side next time. A few weeks ago I was flat out on the ground, crying for many reasons, finding out what my sister and brother did to me and now I try to climb back up that high wall, to continue dancing on those beloved edges, I am so familiar with.

For me it’s just pretty normal because I am manic one day and down the other. Hehhee!
Don’t dare to be angry!
Don’t dare to scream!
Don’t dare to be in pain!
Don’t even dare to feel too much!

I am proud of myself that I am not freaking out anymore when somebody hurts me but I cry because I know so well that I don’t deserve any pain anymore.

There is such a thin line inbetween happiness and sadness, like there is a thin line inbetween love and hate, pushing one day and kissing the other.

Maybe it’s true that “I am just crazy”.

It’s never been different with those ups & downs. It’s a state of mind I really got used to and learnt how to accept. People who stay too close might get confused but it’s a way how to survive as well as “Be alive”.

Veronika decided to die because she wanted to feel alive!

It’s my weird way to gain strength through my weakness as well as facing those devil lessons I have to learn from. Didn’t get enough teachings already??

The wish to face death is for me like a wish for a fulfilled life.

My emotions have never been really stable. I can only feel extremes and sometimes unnecessary drama, a part of my still much needed adrenaline rushes.

I calmed down a lot over those past few years. I plan to introduce Edgar Allan Poe later but I was already fascinated with his dark mind as a teenager.

Stories are always helping me to get over a lot of hurtful stuff I experienced throughout my life and sometimes I think it’s unbearable to carry on. That’s the time I am craving to share my love more than I should and not always to the right ones.

Then I realize that Life is more precious than Death!

I want to live!!!

I hope you will enjoy this book as well

Yours
Mammasitta

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