The HeART of Getting By

in blog •  11 months ago
This used to be a quiet town – my heart. Quiet in a way that I still effortlessly hear the melodious sing-song of birds, the start of an engine on the street from two blocks away and only bothered by occasional thunders which don’t usually last. It used to be quiet, peaceful too, probably. But then It was also boring.

It took some time for me to realize the essence of the words ‘the eyes are the windows to one’s soul’ until I opened mine. At first, there was a lot to take. A lot that I used to choke on my words and sometimes mindlessly spit fire to others’ throats. Everything came rushing in and that caught me off-guard. I was overwhelmed. ‘This is my town,’ I exclaimed breathlessly, knees weak, hands shaking – obviously out of control. I took a step back, and called my mom. Then suddenly, it was all too much. I caught myself in the void of nothing when there was everything out there, mine for the taking. But not mine to hold on for too long. ‘This is my town,’ I whispered, but then it wasn’t after all.

Time flew and it flew fast. I managed to come to terms with my heart, fueling it caffeine in the morning, at sundown, sometimes past midnight as well. At least two cups to get the machinery going reduced from the then usual 5 which had it bugged down. I have also come to the realization that towns come in different colors - some bright, some dull. Then there are those that divide and conquer, but worse are those that conquer and divide.

So I ripped my heart out my chest and put in on my sleeve. THIS IS MY TOWN. It’s loud – even louder when it crashes. It takes full effort to hear again the song of the birds. Shitstorms come and they last longer but still, they don’t last forever. It’s wild, but then it’s free. It hopes.

Then I paint flowers with it - one town at a time. 🌼


Song Title: Heart Beat Here
Artist: Dashboard Confessional

The heart is a muscle like any other
and the best exercise you can do for it
is called picking yourself up off the floor.
- Iain Thomas

Saiyanide \m/

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