I am building my own COFFIN

I am building my own coffin

As you might have been able to tell from my zombie post, I’m kind of a craigslist junkie. I’m always looking for a new project that will take up space at my house until my wife gets sick of it and I end up selling it for a loss.

Things are going to be different this time. I found this homemade teardrop trailer offered by a desperate craigslist seller. The ad read “Moving this week, MUST SELL” with some dark, grainy pictures of an odd looking tiny camper.

I felt like Arnie from the horror movie Christine, while other people saw a trashed out 1958 Plymouth Fury, I saw a diamond in the rough.

The seller had already dropped the price from one thousand dollars to seven hundred, which is my optimal price range for being a craigslist chump. I sent him a text and then proceeded to his house to check it out. A lanky young man with a scruffy beard met me outside with a firm handshake. We walked straight to his perfectly organized garage where smack dab in the middle sat this DR Frankenstine monstrosity. He informed me that he built it from scratch using his own design. He opened the slightly stuck door with a loud squeak and proceeded to give me the grand tour. Two bright LED lights illuminated the white interior paneled walls and the smell of fresh cut wood filled the air.

His first selling point was that it had an expensive RV fan cut into the roof along with four small holes on the sides with computer fans. He cranked them on and the circulation from the airflow was impressive. Being that I live in Florida, camping can be pretty miserable when the heat is kicking. The next stop on the tour was to the handmade wooden box mounted on the front of the camper. He opened the top showing off a brand new marine grade battery and a carefully wired electrical system. Each wire had its own fuse and label. There was also a battery charger and a chain in the spacious box.

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This thing was strange and unusual but it had everything that I needed to finish building this small off the grid camper. I started to picture my wife and I exploring the boondocks and beach towns around the great state of Florida. It was a little over halfway complete and needed a little TLC but most of the hard work had already been done. I could already see my cherried out Plymouth Fury with solar panels and a fresh paint job.

I could tell that this kid loved Christine too, he put a lot of time, work and money into her. I knew that he would be taking a loss on the project and needed a quick sale. I felt for him, but money doesn’t grow on trees for me either. I think he would have taken $500 for her because he was moving to Tennessee in a few days. Nobody was knocking down this guy's door to buy his funky creation and the clock was ticking. I didn't want to take full advantage of his situation so I offered him $600. We ended up agreeing on $650. Now the real negotiations will begin when I get home and have to introduce Christine to my wife.

Birth of the coffin

My wife was not impressed when she saw me pull into our driveway with this heap of junk attached to our truck. My daughter didn’t help the situation when she said: “you can’t keep that in our front yard, people know I live here.” I tried to show off the positives and quickly took them on the tour their reactions didn’t change much. I convinced my wife to get inside and lie down. My wife looked at me with dread in her eyes and said: “oh my god, it feels like a coffin in here.” A spark of inspiration hit my monkey mind and shot down my spine. That’s when the coffin idea was born. She was right, not only did the inside FEEL like a coffin but the outside also kind of LOOKED like one.

I started picturing a grey paint job with black trim and shiny, silver handles on both sides, a hand-painted skull n bones with a scroll over the top saying “The Coffin”. Maybe even some mag wheels and possibly chrome pipes that are fed by propane so I can blow flames into the air with the flick of a switch. For the interior ceiling and walls, padded black leather or plush red velvet for that authentic coffin feel.

I’m thinking “what would The Munsters go camping in?”

That’s my plan at least, it is an adventure that I invite you all to be a part of because I’m just starting this project. My first step (which I’ll be posting about soon) is how to waterproof "The Coffin" with what’s called poor mans fiberglass. It’s a combination of Tight Bond II wood glue and any type of cloth which forms a waterproof layer that is paintable afterward. It's an affordable solution that the old timers used back in the day to waterproof wooden boats.

I am building my own coffin!!!

If you don’t think I’ll be showing off my progress on my Steemit account;

“You don’t know half as much as you think you do… Shitter”

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