Fake Smiling

Have you ever smiled at someone and didn’t mean it? Otherwise known as Fake Smiling.

I bet you have.

I think most of us have done this. It’s something in us that wants to appear pleasing and non-confrontational. Or passive aggressive. Or afraid. I’m not sure what your reasons are for fake smiling, but mine has to do with not wanting to create an unnecessary issue or to hide a different emotion.

A few days ago, I went to a birthday party for one of my daughter’s friends. It was an outdoor party at a local park. It was so hot outside that I didn’t want to be sitting out there, watching all the children play, but the birthday mom is a good friend, so I sucked it up. I remember coming to sit down at the picnic table where all the goodies were placed, which seemed to be the parent congregating spot. I sat down next to a mom that I’m not the biggest fan of. It’s mostly because I don’t like her child.

This little girl is so rude and creates drama ALL THE TIME. Regardless, I found myself talking with this mom and the other 2 that were present, just to make the time in the hot sun go by quicker.

As we were leaving the party, the mom of the little girl I don’t like (which is friends, sometimes, with my little girl) suggested that we have a summer sleep over with all our girls. I nodded my head, smiled (fake smiled) and said that we will have to get in touch about it later in the summer.

But, I meant none of it.

The point of this story is to demonstrate my use of the fake smile. I did not want to have it out with that mom right then, plus it would have been rude and caused more drama. It was just easier to give her a smile and send her on her way. The plus is I was also wearing sunnies, so she couldn’t look in my eyes for any other feelings.

There was no need to ruin this other girl’s birthday party. And this has to be one of the biggest reasons people fake smile. You don’t want to cause waves. You also don’t want to be a jerk to the other person. It’s the same when you say ‘no’ when offered something you don’t want. You ‘say it with a smile’ and it makes the other person feel better. Or, at least less rejected. Not many people are into confrontation (I’m actually very comfortable with it), so it’s easier to be nice to be rid of an uncomfortable situation or offer.

Another reason I fake smile at others is to hide another emotion. It’s most common after I’ve cried. I don’t want to bring anyone else down just because I’m feeling terrible. I plaster it on like a pro and try to move on. Do you ever do this? Or maybe you are super frustrated with someone and to make it seem less than it is, you put on a smile. But it isn’t real! That’s the whole point. You’re basically doing the other person a favor.

It seems related to the “little white lie” that some of us might use to spare someone’s feelings.

I do believe that honesty is best, but it’s hard to make that your mantra if it means hurting others unnecessarily. Is it really worth someone else’s pain to not give the smile if it won’t hurt anything?

Lastly, we all have to make our own decisions on how to treat others. I believe you need to be kind and caring when making these decisions. Let’s not be cruel, friends. Let’s be compassionate and nice. And if that means you flashing someone a fake smile to avoid unnecessary conflict, then do it.

Let’s skip the drama and put our efforts toward something positive. How about shopping? :)

Until next time, friends. –the RealPositiveGirl