Proof that patience is a virtue!
This picture is proof that patience is a virtue.
This is a girl who I fell in love with young, beautiful, smart, and unfortunately no longer mine.
I have been very lucky in life but for all the good that happens, sometimes horrible things happen to me. This girl stepped in at a real weird part of my life where I was not sure of myself and she actually fell in love with me. She gave me more patience than anyone could, seen the potential in me, had made me feeling like the luckiest guy in the world
then I fucked it up like a stereotypical douche-bag boyfriend. I never cheated or was violent but my attitude and energy towards certain things counted as much as any of those things. The funny thing is, I needed to have someone like her but I needed to lose someone like her even more. I was not accomplishing the things I talked about doing, like learning about how blockchains and cryptocurrency work and investing into my future and into myself. Getting humbled by someone you love is healthy, like a healthy correction in the stock market as it forces you to capitulate, remeasure your position, and adjust accordingly.
Now that's exactly what happened, I was in a downward trend on the brink of self harm and then the woman of my dreams and fantasies walks into my life and my work place, now at that point I would have been happy working with someone pretty and down to earth, it helps the workplace morale and as long as people are respectful towards woman it creates a better work environment. But this girl was special, she made it a point to get my number from another employee and was proactive in her attempt to befriend me outside of work. At this point I was in awe and had not clue what she would see in me as she is from another part of the country and is almost a decade younger. I guess that doesn't matter when the powers of love and life are working hard in the background.
I literally wanted to crawl under a bridge and die less than a week prior to her moving to Rhode Island
So fast forward a few weeks and things are so good, I'm feeling so much better knowing that there is someone out there that actually likes me for me and then the love word gets thrown out into the atmosphere. Love is not only the most powerful emotion humans have but it is the most confusing. I can say that I have never met someone that I pictured myself being happily married with up until this girl and you would have never knew it by my attitude and actions at 4-5 weeks into the relationship. Somehow I began going into clam mode, I wouldn't show affection to her and that was the beginning of the end for me. I began to set myself up for failure and a gigantic reality check that was going to break my heart into a million pieces.
Once I started noticing myself become more and more negative I didn't do anything to correct it, I actually shut the doors tighter, I was in stupid mode and no one was around to tell me to snap out of it, I did not have anyone to talk to and the one person I should have been talking to was her. I assumed I had her wrapped around my finger and she was not going anywhere, boy was I wrong!! After about 3 months I totally failed, I had let my clam personality takeover and people at work started to notice worst of all she started to notice. She did everything in her power to try and not let me become what I had become and now she had to make the choice and decide whether this is a disastrous relationship or if its just a rocky start, she made the right decision and chose to end it before it got out of hand.
This is where the fear started to settle into my head, I started to panic!!
I could not believe that this is happening to me, how could this happen to me and why would it happen? What have I done to deserve someone to just abandon me like this??? I had to come to a realization that no matter how much you say you love someone you will never be able to keep them with just that word, it takes more than saying "I Love You" to actually make a relationship work.
Months after she broke up with me I was still in denial. Eventually my brain started to corrected itself. I began to think that this break up was for the better, this is what I needed to start taking life serious again and to try and make my life better. But the fact of the matter is I still love her a lot and I made a effort to try and make up for my mistakes and to try and go about making her mine again by learning to be friends first. How it will work is nature will take it's course and if something is meant to be it will be. As the days and weeks went by I started to invest into myself and future by learning how to take advantage of the day and how important it is to be a extrovert. Her deciding to break up with me showed me how important it is to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with other people, how unbelievably important it is to not get bothered by the little things, and not to over think life and appreciate the little things. And the last thing I learned from being dumped is that good things come to those who wait!!
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