the curse of low confidence.

just starting in a new job. (bike shop) has been there a few deays now. its been good. but stanger for me. my boss has this mad confendent in my skill a worket for him in 2009. last time a was working here..how can we. explain my colleges at the time...fuck tards and spilled brats from the vest of oslo all, except me and one more. the two of us more or less, made the back room work... the summer a work there. so a guess he remember me as the epic worker from back in the day.
anyway am going of course on my blog this was about the confidence.

so a starting this job. just under a week a go. more or less just threw out there. it started good a was there 3 days. but then 2 days a go. a finally got all my contract. and my boss start tacking off the business realy like god stability workers bla bla..and me coming back after almost 10 years my knowledge etc. so to my surprise a god offed a very good starting salary. at this point am not sure what to say just the concept of taking compliments dont relay work. or a dont believe them.
just say yes and thanks. and sign the contract.

then my boss is showing his confidence in me. and the rest of the day am slowly losing my confidence. went home. just angry..and sad in the same time..today a was there.
and very bad day..a told my manager before am not good whit full suspension bike.
but a started a big service anyway need to learn. at this point my brain is not even online anymore. but a dont realizing whats going on so a think a forgot how to bleed sram brakes something a done like 1000 times before. but a cant get in to work a do mistakes and a dont know what am doing wrong. like a broken record. a ask my manager to give my a little course. he do it a observes. easy...then a do the front brake and fuck it up anyway....a remember my old job here in Oslo a had a shit salary in the 9 years a work there, same in Canada had a horribly salary. its like matching my low confidence level. then when a fell am doing a shit job like a do 90% of the time. but a also know its not correct its just my brain is programmed to puch me in the face if a get any compliments to remitting me am a zero. the funny part how bad my confidence is, when a was hoping to get a salary it was almost 40% less then the one a have now.

but now its just time to pick me up and one foot in front of the other