histories repeating it self

to day its Halloween. a day to have a party.
to be whit friends have a good time. but for me this is just a big trauma
of years whit anxiety and bad experiences and loneliness and loss and sorrow. not on Halloween. am not used to it. but New Year's Eve, Christmas Eve, my birthday.

(has noting to do whit my post but it need a photo...)

my number one nightmare. now days its just years with bad experiences stopping me to have a good day. a have zero chance to have a good day. so now just get a movie on and head phone on and wait it out.
this wat a normaly is doing. its workiging well but this year a was sure to go to a party but now its to late a just delay and delay and delay to its to late. but its a sign a dont relay want to go anyway but a wish a can remove my bad guilty to be home. this is my only complaint.