Emotional hurricane coming through
Having a full moon in Pisces conjunct neptune is definitely an emotional and difficult aspect, its currently conjunct my natal sun natal Venus and natal mercury.... I am suddenly introspective, reflective, lonely for my love, little ball of emotion and I hate it. Being vulnerable for a min. In the last 10 years I've been told to get over it, I'm being too emotional, ridiculous, and I'm sure many others over my response to heartbreak, so I stopped, I developed this armer that really just separated me from my emotions I act like everything's ok, that I'm happy, healthy, content, and getting shit done like things don't bother me and I'm over love living the single life like a baller. Truth is... I'm tired, lonely, lost, confused, and barely hanging on. Most days I feel like an epic failure racking up disappointment, debt, and more uncertainty. The difference between today and yester year? I woke up today and decided that every encounter I have and every obstacle I come across, I'm gonna approach it with a clear mind and calm heart, to look at it from different POVs until I come up with a solution and if that does t work to give it to the universe and rely on the foundation of my faith. And then there are days like today... when the intensity of my suppressed emotion wells up and the ocean within me pours through the window of my soul. Those days when the only thing you want is to be in the arms of that one person but all you can do prey that someday before you die someone else will be able to fill their shoes and love you the way you need... unshakable faith and ridiculous optimism in the face of fear, struggle, and heartache are actually an INCREDIBLY disciplined practice, it doesn't mean I'm stupid or naive to my situation it means I'm choosing to take the best from every situation because I can change my future actions and outcome but only if I'm in a clear state of mind in the midst of the "fail" so I can see the problem i need to learn from. That's the only way to change the future, the only thing stress and worry do is steal your present... I spent 27 years drowning in pain worry and fear and then I woke up and decided I just wanna be happy. The changes I made within myself this year (crazy or naive as they may appear) have created such a real peace and contentment that I can honestly say that if I found out I'd die next week I'd be thankful for the way I've lived this last year with peace in my heart fueled by love and faith that is the true me, and the hysterical over emotional hurricane of love and pain that comes with it.