The Yellow Couch...

Do I truly deserve the epitaph, "SHE LIVED" when I finally take a bow from this thing we call life? Have I truly lived? Am I living a lie? Is it worth living life half-heartedly, always scared to take a leap of faith and constantly giving unnecessary fucks?

These are questions that have plagued my mind these past few weeks. Watching my mum battle stage IV endometrial cancer, as I swim in a sea of bankruptcy, while nursing hangovers and tending to the wounds of a broken heart...all these "adulting experiences" have brought me to this point of questioning my life's existential existence.

2018/19 school year begun on 2nd September 2018. It also happened to be "my proverbial New Year". And like all "normal sapiens", seated on a Yellow Couch, I took a toll of my past year and established what needs to be off-loaded and what needs to be on-boarded via my "wanna-be-to-do-list" of the new year, that I don't intend to see through to the end...not by fault, but my flawed human nature that keeps failing me over and over again.

As I sit on the Yellow Couch, somewhere in "Suburbia Mumbai", two weeks of no Television or any form of electronics, I reflect on my life experiences (FYI: I don't recommend anyone doing this sober; liquid courage is a prerequisite) and realise that I've been a spectator to my own life series. 30+ years of existence, how on earth wasn't I a player in my own book of life? And why the "sudden" realization on this Yellow Couch?

My current "life circumstances" ain't at par with the "normal sapiens ideal living scenarios". The episodes in my life series have kinda gotten dull, boring, unfulfilling, depressing and are in need of an immediate new lease of life...I need to switch the script and perhaps change the cast too🤔 - Promise to only get divorced and remarried once this year🤞 NOT!!! (In Borats voice) 😂

A new year brings with it new beginnings; A fresh start; A clean slate. This New Year, I resort to only take on 4 resolutions:

1. Go back to school to avoid paying student loans - Bonjour French Diploma🖐

2. Developing daredevil skills such as licking frozen flag poles after sky-diving😈

3. Look for investors and fundraise for my "home office" business venture🤑

4. Speak in fluent sarcasm and Hire an assistant to my selfier🤳

This time around, my resolutions are "beyond lit" and I'm looking forward to seeing them through. Thanks to that Yellow Couch in Suburbia Mumbai, I became a cynic and learnt the art of adopting The VERB Resolution and not The NOUN Resolution.

Happy New Year and Cheers me dears!