The Guardsman Letters No.17

House Call

Big Baby lit my phone up like a firecracker around 0030. 

I could never get the hang of Thursdays; and it would seem that Mondays were out to kill him.

As if consigned to the whims of clockwork itself; he manages to always be in dire straits health-wise when Monday evening rolls around for him. 

Tonight was only slightly different.

I glanced down at my phone vibrating its way across Little Tiffy’s table next to my coffee and an ashtray rapidly accumulating butts and ash. 

“Why the fuck do you have to work Mondays?” Leered out at me from atop my wallpaper where a McDonalds employee sat crosslegged; floating above the countertop surrounded by similarly floating fries. 

"I don’t; I’ve covered a few Mondays; but I’m clear tonight.” I replied. 

“Shit I’d have got you to come in and cover me if I knew that!” 

“Good night for it; I haven’t even made the bar yet, doesn’t look like I will either.” 

“Well, fuck you and come finish my shift!” 

Who needs polite requests when you’ve known a guy for 20 years? Plus it was an excuse to take a drive; not that I needed one but getting paid wasn’t putting a damper on the idea either. After having another smoke with Tiff, I headed home to get my uniform.

Gear packed and stowed in the Heart of Gold I fired up the spaceship and made my way to Perth. The new Sirius XM radio threw Sinatra at me as we glided out into the inky blackness of Highway 43. Not to throw any shade at ol’ Blue Eyes; it wasn’t what I was feeling for the ride tonight. The cool neon blue emitting from the various nooks around the cockpit guided my hand over to my presets and I prodded 4. 

Oliver Heldens voice came over the system. I only knew his name because the screen was telling me what it was, but the electro beats pleased me; as my foot eased further down onto the accelerator. The car jumped forward in what almost felt like a response to the tempo of the track. I barely had to move the wheel and we were out from behind the slow moving transport and its two pinprick red taillights; the beat played on. 

The yellow lines flicked by like morse code as the headlights disappeared in my rearview mirror. Effortlessly we floated closer to Perth, the lights from the little town dimly joining the almost crystal clear star scattered sky. 

Out of the corner of my eye I caught the black and white speed limit sign reminding me that ’80 is a far cry from 140’.

I eased off the gas and decided to coast down to the 60 that was coming up around the bend near the smoke stacks of the 3M plant. Perth was always a quiet town, and still remained so as I crept through the back streets and over the single car bridge on my way to the hospital. Even the parking lot there seemed to be empty, which had the makings of a quiet night. I parked and grabbed me gear and headed in to check on Big Baby. 

The waiting room was empty, save for the small black desk they want us to hold as our station. I looked at the weather chair and suddenly understood why Big Baby had such hatred for it; ‘Man that size should be higher off the floor.’ I thought. 

The receptionist was surprised to see me; and said she assumed he was still around; but had heard I was coming in to cover. There wasn’t any sign of him at the desk though, just a folder of security paperwork, a broken open phone case, and a torn open envelope; the sort greeting cards come in. 

A door opened down the hall next to the secured front lobby doors and out staggered and sidled all 300 plus pounds of Big Baby. I’m assuming his weight sure, but we don’t call him Big Baby for nothing. The look on his face and the way he walked told me it was stomach trouble; the occasional wince around his eyes told me his migraines were making their way back on top of everything else. He shivered as he headed towards me. 

‘You stay away from me you big bastard!” I held my hands up making a futile gesture at warding off whatever horrid sickness had managed to fell the big man; because sweet Jesus it must be on hell of a bug!

From what words he was able to articulate loud enough for me to understand he explained the new procedures the hospital wanted us to do; standard patrols as normal, but they didn’t want us covering the whole place every hour. I thought it strange but if thats what the client wants, its what they get. The other side of this was that the only thing I had to do tonight aside from sit in the ER, was to patrol the parking lot and the basement at 3am. This was shaping up to be the easiest 5 hours ever. 

Time whipped by quickly; especially since I was spending most of that skimming Steem. (Its good to be back in both places) 3am eventually reared its head; as its known to do and it was time to do that patrol thing. Felt odd not having to do so on the hour, but those were the orders. The air outside had a pre spring crispness to it; although I supposed it was technically the first day of spring. 

Outside the ER the windows were cast in shadow, most of the lights inside dimmed or off for the time of day. The few vehicles that were sitting quietly in the parking lot shone dimly under the towering lights above. Some ways off a transport truck rumbled. My boots thudded heavily across the dark parking lot and I made my way to the various exterior doors of the hospital. The little red lights next to the card readers told me they should all be locked and secure but I gave them all a tug as I went by anyway. I stepped over the wooden railing marking the hillside along the lot and made my way downhill towards the Ambulance bays. 

The circular overhead light flickered with an electronic hum as it snaked out of the wall and illuminated a large white and red NO SMOKING sign next to the heavy green door aside the large bay doors. The old beige brickwork was stained with black ash where hurried ambulance workers and maintenance staff had snubbed out the cherries on their smokes. The ground was littered with discarded butts and an old half empty Folgers coffee can rested quietly in irony nearby. I fished a smoke of my own out of the pack in my pocket and lit it then continued on my way around the building. 

After making my way around the front of the hospital and coming up from the ambulance bay area; I again went back downhill towards the somewhat hidden basement door access. The right light there beeped in the night as I swung my card at it. Moments later it lit up green and allowed me to come in from the bitter early morning air. Moving through the secondary door; I shut the night out behind me and was immediately wrapped in the low hum of the air ducts, and buzz of the mechanical room. Both noises creeping out at me from the multitude of corridors and doorways down here, helped in their travels by the low ceilings and hopefully empty halls. Basements are weird things; always have been. This hospital basement was no different and unfortunately it hadn’t changed at all since the last time I had been down here. 

You try and listen to whats going on around you; but the din and hum of the utilities mask it. Even when you catch a break and do hear something, its always coming from behind you. You hope that you were only hearing your own echoes, even when that sound of a door opening clearly came from ahead of you. 

It’s still better than dealing with whatever was in ‘Those Woods’.