My Fairy World – Greetings from The Lands of Lala!

Don't worry. It is just a phase that'll soon be over with. As long as I keep expressing it. Short ahead this blog will get back to the positivity it truly is committed to. You can hug me in the comments or send some positive thoughts to help me dissolve these sticky attachments I happen to let myself stumble into …

Hi, it's me, Lala Ludicrous, and I am freaking ridiculous. I dance with fairies until envy trolls try to make me stop. I sing, I whistle, I dance. I stab my toes into the dirt and talk to flowers. Or scarabaeus. Birds. Flowers … A number of beings are more interesting to listen to than humans.
It's the insult I am most familiar with. I've come to accept, embrace and enjoy it even. At times. Mostly, of course, it is what it is: The most sufficient way to make me feel uncomfortable, question myself, forget everything I was just thinking about …

Why would you want to hurt a fairy?

My perception was questioned from day one. I grew up with a narcissistic mother. Whatever she said was absolute truth, whatever I said was a cognitive dysfunction. She kept telling everyone I am not reasonable back then when I was a child. My reality has been doubted forever. I am so used to it, it's almost my identity to see things you don't, hear tunes my mother and others deny, and to fully accept and believe whatever I perceive is the truth. At least for me. I needed to fight for this all my life. She sued me even and told the court they needed to test me for I would have a perceptual disorder. So, they tested both of us. The outcome was a document where those two sentences can be found written down quite close to each other.

"@mayb has a hypersensitive perception which she is used to questioning a lot. She uses reason and intellect to distinguish between fact and fantasy."
"The mother has a narcissistic disorder. She is not capable of feeling empathy or simply listen to her daughter's side."

There was a time where I had a copy of this part of the report framed, hanging above my desk, to remind me every day that there's a program running rampant in my mind that I need to 'ignore'. Not in the sense of never reflecting it. But this is mind control, a program that has been uploaded to my brain by my mother when I was too young to decide what's safe for me to take in. That I live in Lalaland. That all I see is an illusion. That one of my greatest assets, an advanced perception, would be my biggest flaw.

What you don't know about fairies is what you don't know about karma

Hurt a fairy, hurt yourself!

Hate us all you want. Hating fairies is like looking into a mirror and denying everything that's beautiful about you. Violate the mindful peace of one of us and be faced with your self-hatred. Watch shame evolving, discomfort grow, and your confidence dissolving. Talking to me? Well, all I hear is what you tell about yourself. The second last to try blaming me for living in Lalaland is a covert narcissist who pops some mollies every other week. Yeah, right? People like him will always question my perception and then go, take a trip to only once experience what I am talking about all the time. How do you like my Lalaland? You love it! I hear you. Same. No need to take it away from me. No need to put yourself above me. I could teach you how to meditate and to perceive all the things you do when you're tripping. I could tell you how to use your own DMT, the one your brain's producing and that you keep wasting by popping pills and such, taking the easy way. It's actually not that easy to access Lalaland you've realized. And what do jealous people do? They neglect everything they can't have. "I don't want to have this anyways … mimimi"

Fairy angry!

The very last guy did it just yesterday. Telling me that I live in my fairy world … True. I do. This man, however, lives nowhere close to what he calls the fairy world. He's a realist. Ant the realist told me that he would never cry. About nothing. For he's a warrior. And he told me some pretty sad stories about himself. Basically, all he said was just that: A sad testimony of a life without love. Without any of those overwhelming emotions, I live through every day in my fairy world. Like a real warrior does! He stifles his tears, hides his love, and all the joy he feels comes from drinking beer and winning online fights alone at his computer. 2019 and we still live amongst people who think that masculinity is about keeping your tears inside and let them eat you up. That it would be a sign of strength to hold back one's emotions. Until the emotion of hate becomes too big to keep it inside. Interestingly, he first insulted me and when I told him I would be done with this conversation, he all the sudden started telling me his real name, and two crazy personal stories about his grief. Dude, I heard your grief. All the time. But it doesn't count as an apology, rather it explains WHY you have to hurt tiny, sensitive fairies like me. Self-hatred. It is a boomerang. You don't know anything about fairies. We've got much more power than you assume. Everything you try doing to us, you do to yourself. Not because we, the fairies, would hate you. No. We love you. But you hate yourself. And now you feel it.