The rules of engagement

Well, this is the second article I have posted, and the second time I have referred to rules. That has to say something about me. It does. 

It occurred to me a while ago that one of the problems with social media – okay, perhaps not exactly a problem, perhaps it is a strength – is that there are few rules. The moderators of any given forum will choose to get involved from time to time (although it feels very arbitrary when they do), but most of the time, the sheer volume of traffic means that we are left to our own devices.

                                                      

So we make up our own set of rules. I suggest that most of us don’t even know we are doing this – we just merrily post away, and in doing so, we give insights into our personalities. Sometimes we show far more than we intend to.
 

These rules are fluid, too. My Facebook behaviour is vastly different today than it was two years ago -the daily annual memories thing is a constant reminder of that. I saw a post today that was liked by 50+ people in 2016. That couldn’t happen today, because I know for a fact that I am not followed by 50+ people any more, and a big reason for this is that I have got more opinionated as I get older, and I don’t care who those opinions annoy. And they annoy a lot of people. 

                     

And I have unfollowed so many people, for a vast variety of reasons. And they are my reasons and my reasons only. People have fallen foul of my standards, and I have turned off their output. So, it is only fair that this has happened to me. I am not here to bitch about it. It is what it is.
 

This forum is a little different, I think. Whilst still not rule heavy, there is a definite etiquette, and the very nature of Steemit means that if you veer regularly outside this expected behaviour, you are going to trip yourself up. I can see already, after a day or two, that many of the influx of newbies think that these guidelines don’t apply to them. Well, they do, and they should cop on quickly.
 

Young people are so impatient! Getting older sucks in many ways, but I find myself getting far more considered and circumspect. Some things take time, and only the truly exceptional (or lucky) can succeed without putting in the hard yards. 

Jeez, that was a long pre-amble! I have yet to get to the point. Here goes!

                                                          
 

I have been doing this internet thing for a long time. It is fair to say, I think, that when it comes to internet debating, I am something of a veteran. I am good at it. That may sound conceited, but it isn’t. I am rubbish at lots of things, and I am painfully aware of my failings as a human being. But written discourse isn’t one of them.
 

And there are some very distinct pitfalls: 

Never post in anger. You’ll look like a douchebag, and it is there for all to see. If someone is getting under your skin, walk away and calm the fork down.

Be prepared to lose and know when you are beaten. Sorry to break it to you, but sometimes your opinions are bullshit. Sometimes, it will become clear that your position is weak, and you are being outmatched. Be prepared to reconsider your position and accede to a superior position. This one is tough, but to argue a cause that is lost will make you look petty and stupid. 

Don’t post in haste. Even when you are ahead in the exchange. Over-confidence will trip you up, and it is a horrible feeling having pressed send to realise that you have just scored a horrendous own goal.

Don’t argue with a fool. There is a Mark Twain quote about this, and if Mark Twain says it, I recommend you listen. Some people are just too stupid to engage with, and their stupidity is a like an impenetrable shield. You won’t get through to them. And you will get frustrated. And then you’ll look like a douchebag. Walk away and trust your audience to see them for what they are. 

                                                         

You don’t have to have the last word. This is a toughie, it is like there is an unwritten rule – he who finished the exchange wins the exchange – but it isn’t true. If you’re done, you’re done.

Don’t call people names. Just. Don’t. Do. It. Even if the feckers deserve it.

And if you find yourself breaking any of the above, and looking like a douchebag, have the stones to say sorry. This defeats too many people. It’s an ego thing. And you know what? An apology can be incredibly disarming. It’s a weapon.

I would like to say that I never fall into these pitfalls. I would like to say it, but it would be a lie. People can behave just appallingly, and I am a dodgy combination of pettiness and tenacity. I am much better than I used to be though, and I have had some truly edifying, wonderful exchanges with a smorgasbord of fascinating individuals, often from a starting position of complete disagreement.

Ask yourself why you find yourself talking/debating/whatever with strangers on the internet. I do it, usually, to test my starting position, to find out how watertight it is. It often isn't. And sometimes it is leaking like the Titanic. If you're there to explain to people how right you are, and how wrong they are, you're doing it wrong.