Big bum !!! And then what? - my opinion about the topic.

in #blog7 years ago

We often think that we quarrel to clarify a matter and find the right solution. The reality is different. Maybe the first sentence is in good faith, but after a minute it turns out that you are arguing in truth to prove that you are right and win (no matter what the reason is, you just want to bet on your, you want the partner to cap and grant you right).

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The second common cause of quarrel is simply the desire to unload your anger or to relieve stress. It is very destructive, because one of the partners gives off the negative emotions and the other - he does not understand what the partner is talking about. It resembles a volcanic eruption that can not be stopped no matter what the other person says.

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Sometimes, when the tension between partners grows, the quarrel explodes in order to cleanse the atmosphere. Sometimes, paradoxically, when we quarrel, we want to emotionally approach our partner or gain control over him.

After the quarrel most often we feel unloved, wounded, angry, offended. Sometimes our self-esteem is damaged and we feel less important and ignored by our partner. The effect can be withdrawal partner and distance, quiet days, avoid each other. Sometimes, as a result of the quarrel, there is something like a wartime war for minor malice. Often we also catch ourselves (or partner) on breaking promises, assuming that if he does not care about it, then why try

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First of all, you should cool down.

You have to take responsibility for what you have done or not. It should be honest. You should listen to each other. It is very important not to read your partner's mind. If you feel that you are going to explode in a moment, it's best to take a break for a moment to cool off (go away, give yourself a moment). You have to go for a compromise and do not argue just to win. And the most important is to forgive each other.

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Nice one!

Thank you ;)

Forgiveness is so important!

Yes it is :) If we learn it soon then It will be easier for us.

Absolutely!

Nice Post! Resteem.

I am so happy that you like my post ;) Thank you for your support my friend ;)

Your Welcome My Friend :)

I wished couples, lovers, friends allover the globe could read this, you're constantly on point, very helpful and educative, I don't just read your articles for reading sake, I do allow them go through me and possibly leave a mark in me, I have a family, I have relationships to nurture, the sacrifices we often carry out in life are not just for our own selves but for our loved ones, In this your post, you tried as much as possible not to dwell much on quarrel because it's inevitable, but you dealt carefully on the best solutions to avoid and to handle quarrels .
Thanks a lot @margaretwise

You are so welcome. I tried to show that there is always hope no matter how deep we could be. At least one person can change everything. Thank you for your nice comment like always ;) Hug for you and your lovely wife ;)

thank you for sharing

You are so welcome. Glad that you like it )

wonderful post @margaretwise, thank you!

You are so welcome my dear ;)

There are two problems here, to know the full story about arguments.

  1. There may only be one person who wants to work things out.
  2. One person might be an aspie.

If you are assuming that the other person wants to stay in the relationship, your view of their words may be out of whack. They may just being having a row to drive you away. They may be emotionally manipulating you because that's the way they get their kicks.

It takes two to make a relationship work. If the other is not really in it, then you are going to be taking words to heart that actually have no meaning.

If you are in a relationship with an aspie, they have no idea that the argument isn't about the subject. And if you press the issue, what will happen is they will take your words as exact and do that thing that you spelled out. In essence you are programming their future behavior with you, and you better be aware that you are making permanent changes. (probably for the worse)

I do not know if there is a relationship of two people in which there is no quarrel. The quarrels are somehow interpolated in human interactions, because here, no novum, each of us is different and has different needs, expectations or habits. The problem is not so much to counteract the quarrel, because it is rather impossible, and on how to deal with arguments. Anything that can be constructive for a relationship, even if the partners come to the conclusion that they are not arguing about socks on the floor, is only respectful and everyone is responsible for their actions. After discovering and sincere conversation about what we are arguing about, what we need from each other and whether the other side accepts it, forgiveness of bitter words is not a great difficulty.
Thank you for your opinion. You always can have your own.

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