Islam and sex lecture.
ISLAM AND SEX
Please how are we to sex our wives in
accordance to the SUNNAH?
And is it permissible to suck(her breasts) and
finger (touch her sexual organ to stimulate her) ?
BISMILLAH
This is a very important topic in our lives as
Muslims but unfortunately most of our scholars
and alims fail to talk about it due to shyness or
its sensitivity.
It's not something to be talked about in the
mosque with a microphone so you barely hear our
preachers talking about it.
To answer this question, I will first get some
points clear and then provide Hadiths and ayahs
to back it later on.
It's very important to get your wife aroused
before penetration
That's what's called FOREPLAY because the
prophet had talked about it.
So this is where caressing, kissing, the sucking of
nipples and fingering comes in.
Anal sex. Is highly forbidden in Islam
Period
Oral sex is undesired and disliked but not
haram.
Health-wise, oral sex could be dangerous
sometimes. Women have active and unharmful
vaginal bacterials and natural PH(potency of
hydrogen) within their genitals which makes it not
sound for that place to be licked by the tongue or
mouth. This varies from woman to woman
regarding the nature and hygiene level.
However, the clitoris could be carefully licked by
the tongue but this should be done right after
bath and not to be done deeply but don't forget
that it is highly disliked and undesired by some
scholars though there are other views that
supports and allows that so opinions vary on this
matter.
Felacio/fellatio or the sucking of the male genital
organ by the woman is also considered to be
unharmful by medical practitioners and
acceptable in Islam although opinions vary with
regards to this. Bathing and being clean is the
first thing to consider before carrying on with it.
So with this, individual desires, conditions,
hygiene and personal health conditions counts.
Intercourse during menses is very bad and
haram to the highest level.
Yes, sexual positions are allowed so far as
its in the right place (vagina).
You can try doggy style, spooning and the others
if you like instead of sticking to the well known
missionary position.
Now let's talk about foreplay
Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him)
records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn
Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the
Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him
peace) is reported to have said: “One of you
should not fulfil one’s (sexual) need from one’s
wife like an animal, rather there should be
between them foreplay of kissing and
words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him)
reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that the
Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him
peace) forbade from engaging in sexual
intercourse before foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-
Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah
There are no rules and laws in foreplay as to how
it should be done. The only laws and rules are the
ones reached by the lovers by mutual consent
and often unspoken understanding. Whatever is
pleasing and satisfying to both the husband and
the wife is right and proper; and whatever is
mutually displeasing is wrong. The only limitation
to this general rule would be any Shariah rule
which goes against the wishes of the husband or
the wife.
Foreplay is Highly Recommended
Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam ‘Ali (A.S.)
says, “When you intend to have sex with your
wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has
needs (which should be fulfilled).”
1 Sex without foreplay has been equated to
cruelty. The Prophet (S) said, “Three people are
cruel: …a person who has sex with his wife before
foreplay.”
2 Another hadith equates sex without foreplay
to animal behavior: “When anyone of you has sex
with his wife, then he should not go to her like
birds; instead he should be slow and delaying.”
3 As for the role of a woman in sexual
foreplay, the Imams (A.S.) have praised a wife
who discards shyness when she is with her
husband. Imam Muhammad al-Baqir says,
“The best woman among you is the one who
discards the armor of shyness when she
undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor
of shyness when she dresses up again.”
This means that it's not good for a woman to feel
shy when playing with her husband.
If you are a Malama, when it comes to that,
forget about your Malama things and "open fire"
Don't come near your husband in the night with a
hijab or a niqab or some rough dressing. The
decent dressing you wear when out is no longer
"decent" at that moment. when you return to your
husband in the night, put that away, wear tight,
short, transparent dresses or go nude. Simple.
4 After all, modesty and chastity in public is
the hallmark of a Muslim lady.
These sayings clearly show that the husband and
the wife should feel completely free when they are
engaged in mutual stimulation which is known as
foreplay. There is nothing wrong, according to
Islam, for a woman to be active and responsive
during sex. As for the Islamic Shariah, all the
mujtahids are unanimous in saying that the act of
sexual foreplay in itself is mustahab
(recommended). Likewise, it is recommended not
to rush into sexual intercourse.
5 The operative words is mutual pleasure and
satisfaction is very important. "Talk nasty and
sound silly for each other"
Techniques of Foreplay
As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in
foreplay are concerned, the Shariah allows the
husband and the wife to see, kiss, touch, smell
and stimulate any part of each other’s body.
Therefore, oral sex, as it is known, is allowed
though some scholars say it's undesired or
disliked. Imam Musa al-Kazim was once asked,
“Can a person kiss his wife’s vagina?” The Imam
said, “No problem.”
6 The only restriction is that no foreign object
should be used. The restriction on the use of
foreign objects is based on the following hadith.
‘Ubaydullah bin Zurarah says that he had an old
neighbor who owned a young slave-girl. Because
of his old age, he could not fully satisfy the young
slave-girl during sexual intercourse. She would
therefore ask him to place his fingers in her
vagina as she liked it. The old man complied with
her wishes even though he did not like this idea.
So he requested ‘Ubaydullah to ask Imam ‘Ali ar-
Reza (A.S.) about it. When ‘Ubaydullah asked the
Imam (A.S.) about it, the Imam (A.S.) said,
“There is no problem as long as he uses any part
of his own body upon her, but he should not use
anything other than his body on her.”
CAUTION: Brother, if your fingers are not
clean, don't do that. It's disgusting to see some
brothers with long nails, where did we learn that
as Muslims?
Anyway before you think of fingering her, get your
hands clean and nails very short.
7 Though masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation
of one’s own sexual organ till emission of semen
or orgasm) is not allowed, in the case of married
persons, there is no problem if the wife stimulates
her husband’s penis till the emission of semen or
the husband stimulates his wife’s vagina till
orgasm. This is allowed because it does not come
under “self-stimulation”; it is stimulation by a
lawful partner.
Let's talk about two ayahs from SURATUL
BAQARAH and some Hadiths which answers the
question completely.
QURAN 2:222-223
"They ask you about menstruation. "Tell them:
This is a discomfort; therefore, keep away from
women (do not have sexual intercourse with
them) during their menstrual periods until they
are clean again. When they have cleansed
themselves then you may approach them in the
manner Allah has enjoined for you. Surely Allah
loves those who turn to Him in repentance and
keep themselves clean"
"Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth
(have sexual relations with your wives in any
manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in
the anus), when or how you will, and send (good
deeds, or ask Allah to bestow upon you pious
offspring) before you for your ownselves. And fear
Allah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the
Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers.
Allah said:
Your wives are a tilth for you,)
Ibn Abbas commented, "Meaning the place of pregnancy.'' Allah then said: (...so go to your tilth, when or how you will,) meaning, wherever you wish from the front or from behind, as long as sex takes place in one valve (the female sexual organ), as the authentic Hadiths have indicated. For instance, Al-Bukhari recorded that Ibn Al- Munkadir said that he heard Jabir say that the Jews used to claim that if one has sex with his wife from behind (in the vagina) the offspring would become cross-eyed. Then, this Ayah was revealed: (Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will,) Muslim and Abu Dawud also reported this Hadith. Ibn Abu Hatim said that Muhammad bin Al- Munkadir narrated that Jabir binAbdullah told
him that the Jews claimed to the Muslims that if
one has sex with their wife from behind (in the
vagina) their offspring will become cross-eyed.
Allah revealed afterwards:
Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth,
when or how you will,)
Ibn Jurayj (one of the reporters of the Hadith)
said that Allah's Messenger said:
From the front or from behind, as long as that
occurs in the Farj (vagina).)
Imam Ahmad recorded that Ibn Abbas said, "The Ayah, Your wives are a tilth for you) was revealed about some people from the Ansar who came to the Prophet and asked him (about having sex with the wife from behind). He said to them: "Have sex with her as you like as long as that occurs in the vagina" Imam Ahmad recorded thatAbdullah bin Sabit
said: I went to Hafsah bint Abdur-Rahman bin Abu Bakr and said, "I wish to ask you about something, but I am shy.'' She said, "Do not be shy, O my nephew.'' He said, "About having sex from behind with women.'' She said, "Umm Salamah told me that the Ansar used to refrain from having sex from behind (in the vagina). The Jews claimed that those who have sex with their women from behind would have offspring with crossed-eyes. When the Muhajirun came to Al- Madinah, they married Ansar women and had sex with them from behind. One of these women would not obey her husband and said,You will
not do that until I go to Allah's Messenger (and
ask him about this matter). ' She went to Umm
Salamah and told her the story. Umm Salamah
said, Wait until Allah's Messenger comes.' When Allah's Messenger came, the Ansari woman was shy to ask him about this matter, so she left. Umm Salamah told Allah's Messenger the story and he said: "Summon the Ansari woman'' She was summoned and he recited this Ayah to her: "Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will. He added: Only in one valve (the vagina).)'' This Hadith was also collected by At-Tirmidhi who said, it's a Hasan Hadith. An-Nasa'i reported that Kab bin Alqamah said that Abu An-Nadr said that he asked Nafi, "The
people are repeating the statement that you relate
from Ibn Umar that he allowed sex with women in their rear (anus).'' He said, "They have said a lie about me. But let me tell you what really happened. IbnUmar was once reciting the
Qur'an while I was with him and he reached the
Ayah:
Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth,
when or how you will,) He then said, O Nafi! Do
you know the story behind this Ayah' I said, No.' He said,We, the people of Quraysh, used to have
sexual intercourse with our wives from the back
(in the vagina) { that's likely the doggy style
}. When we migrated to Al-Madinah and married
some Ansari women, we wanted to do the same
with them. They disliked it and made a big issue
out of it. The Ansari women had followed the
practice of the Jews who have sex with their
women while they lay on their sides. Then, Allah
revealed:
Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth,
when or how you will,)''
The "when and how" that Allah said in the ayah
means whenever convenient or anytime you feel
the need to and that also indicate that from any
position, either from the front, back, sideways or
and position so far as its not in the anus but the
vagina.
This has an authentic chain of narrators.
Imam Ahmad reported that Khuzaymah bin Thabit
Al-Khatami narrated that Allah's Messenger said:
Allah does not shy from the truth - he said it
thrice-, do not have anal sex with women.)
This Hadith was collected by An-Nasa'i and Ibn
Majah.
Abu Isa At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa'i reported that IbnAbbas narrated that Allah's Messenger said:
Allah does not look at a man who had anal sex
with another man or a woman.)
At-Tirmidhi said, "Hasan Gharib.'' This is also the
narration that Ibn Hibban collected in his Sahih,
while Ibn Hazm stated that this is an authentic
Hadith.
In addition, Imam Ahmad reported that Ali bin Talaq said, "Allah's Messenger forbade anal sex with women, for Allah does not shy away from truth.'' AbuIsa At-Tirmidhi also reported this
Hadith and said, "Hasan''.
Abu Muhammad Abdullah binAbdur-Rahman
Darimi reported in his Musnad that Said bin Yasar Abu Hubab said: I said to IbnUmar, "What
do you say about having sex with women in the
rear'' He said, "What does it mean'' I said, "Anal
sex.'' He said, "Does a Muslim do that?'' This
Hadith has an authentic chain of narrators and is
an explicit rejection of anal sex from Ibn Umar. Abu Bakr bin Ziyad Naysaburi reported that Ismail bin Ruh said that he asked Malik bin
Anas, "What do you say about having sex with
women in the anus'' He said, "You are not an
Arab Sex does not occur but in the place of
pregnancy so do it only in the Farj (vagina).'' I
said, "O Abu Abdullah! They say that you allow that practice.'' He said, "They utter a lie about me, they lie about me.'' This is Malik's firm stance on this subject. It is also the view of Said
bin Musayyib, Abu Salamah, Ikrimah, Tawus,Ata
, Said bin Jubayr,Urwah bin Az-Zubayr, Mujahid
bin Jabr, Al-Hasan and other scholars of the Salaf
(the Companions and the following two
generations after them). They all, along with the
majority of the scholars, harshly rebuked the
practice of anal sex and many of them called this
practice a Kufr.
Allah said:
(. ..and send for your own selves beforehand.)
meaning, by performing the acts of worship while
refraining from whatever Allah has prohibited for
you. This is why Allah said afterwards:
And fear Allah, and know that you are to meet
Him (in the Hereafter),)
meaning, He will hold you accountable for all of
your deeds,
and give good tidings to the believers (O
Muhammad ).) meaning, those who obey what
Allah has commanded and refrain from what He
has prohibited. Ibn Jarir reported that Ata' said, or related it to IbnAbbas,
...and send for your own selves beforehand.)
means, mention Allah's Name, by saying,
Bismillah', before having sexual intercourse.'' Al- Bukhari also reported that IbnAbbas narrated
that Allah's Messenger said:
If anyone of you on having sexual relations with
his wife said: `In the Name of Allah. O Allah!
Protect us from Satan and also protect what you
bestow upon us (i.e., the coming offspring) from
Satan,' and if it is destined that they should have
a child then, Satan will never be able to harm
him.)
Allah's Apostle said, "If anyone of you, when
intending to have a sexual relation (sleep) with
his wife, says: Bismillah, Allahumma jannibna
ash-Shaitan, wa Jannib ash-Shaitana ma
razaqtana and Satan would never harm that child,
should it be ordained that they will have one.
(Because of that sleep)."
Bukhari
After all that, Allah has warned us and also
forgave us in case we did something wrong
unintentionally
- And make not Allah's (Name) an excuse in
your oaths against doing good and acting piously,
and making peace among mankind. And Allah is
All-Hearer, All-Knower (i.e., do not swear much
and if you have sworn against doing something
good then give an expiation for the oath and do
good) - Allah will not call you to account for that
which is unintentional in your oaths, but He will
call you to account for that which your hearts
have earned. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most-
Forbearing