Wish I was myself again
Feeling horrible one day and feeling ok the next has become the story of my life. People from my past and present are constantly there to support me with kind words and good advice and I really feel fortunate that this is the case. Nonetheless there is no quick solution to how I feel. Tomorrow Im riding along at work ( doing an excursion with another tour guide ) to get caught up on this years changes hopefully I will feel capable and be able to begin working as soon as possible and with any luck this can be the distraction I need to focus on the future and stop lingering on the past. Hearing nightmare stories about how years after a divorce has been settled problems still exist doesnt really help either. The fact remains is that to overcome my adicction I seem to feel that the person who I need the most is precisely the one that chose to end this relationship. Im hurting in a horrible way and wish for nothing else than to overcome this grieving period and regain my self esteem especially for the sake of my children. I feel like a big baby and I know that I need to start to act like a grown up and face reality. Looking back at things when other friends went through divorce I never really understood what they were going through until know and for that I am sorry. Life is short and I want to make the best of it regardless of what I have lost, I am still only 38 years old and I feel like I have much to offer. I want to regain my passion for living and the things that I loved like cryptocurrencies and promoting tolerance amongst others.
This post may seem a little abstract but I just needed to write something and get this off my chest. Im going to try and get some rest before my day out with the bus tomorrow now, feedback and suggestions on how to get past this dificult moment apreciated as always.
Good night
I fully feel you on this, sending big thoughts of courage and strength your way!
All the way from South Afrika
wish I could go there, A long trip away from here would seem like a good solution. But my children are the reason that I am staying here and trying to be strong they need me and they need to see me recover from this. thanks @breezin am receiving your vibes already
focus on the little joys; a cup of coffee, the sunrise, meeting small goals.
I've been in your position a few times (I'm subject to depression); you can beat yourself up, or you can build yourself up!
I know what I need to do to get myself back on track, problem being Im confused about too many things right now my brain knows I need to move on but my heart is broken and is trying to run the other way. Thanks for your reply @stevescoins
I hope you get your heart back soon!
As someone that understands from first hand experience, I will offer you the only advice that could help. Live 100% authentic and never lie to yourself. I obviously don't know you personally, but I can see you trying to wrap your mind around some of the same issues I just dealt with and the fundamental thing that allowed me to heal is that I stopped believing that I was separate from those around me. We are all one and we are all unique and necessary to the fabric of existence. We all have a role to play and people to interact with. I think of small things I do, like taking the time to share this perspective now, and even though I don't know why it popped up at the top of my feed and for some reason my phone that is unusable mostly is deciding to work so that I can do so. The thing is I don't need to know why because I have faith in the connection we all have that for some reason I have to do this right now. Maybe it isn't even about you, maybe someone reads this and it helps them find a purpose in life. Hopefully that helps. :) good luck on your journey.
Makes perfect sense. A very insightfull reply indeed. I really enjoyed reading this, The journey is long and many bumps along the way. What hurts us today will make us stronger tomorrow is something important to consider. This was my favorite part : but I can see you trying to wrap your mind around some of the same issues I just dealt with and the fundamental thing that allowed me to heal is that I stopped believing that I was separate from those around me.
:) None of us are broken or worth any more or less than the rest. The only things I feel are broken on this planet are perspectives.
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My brother once told me when he was struggling with some issues and getting used to sobriety that healing is similar to getting high. The healthier you get, the better you feel. So when you have a bad day, it feels like you are coming down, but in reality, you are just returning to what you once thought was a higher plane. The only difference is, now that you are healthy, you have become accustomed to living at an even higher level.
Regardless, bad days are bad days. Hang in there!
It does get better but like having a part of your limb torn off (divorce) the pain will take time to heal. Stay kind to yourself > STOP all inner tapes that would tear you down > Be extra gentle with yourself > give yourself time to heal > Ride the wave of pain > Repeat!
Use this pain to learn about yourself. It's all about your lessons. Use it.
There are so many people who go through this pain to only repeat it again.
Isn't it great to know what your priorities are now? Your kids.
Use this time to learn your part in it all or it will come back again to hit you like a bad script!
Everyone is depressed these days.