#10 My thoughts on... STUPID CROATIAN EXPRESSIONS (PART 2)

Dear reader, I feel like your Croatian skills need to level-up, so I wrote a continuation of my article #7 My thoughts on... STUPID CROATIAN EXPRESSIONS. Let me teach you even more useless shit. Let's go!

1. Boli me kurac 

Boli me kurac is a charming little phrase literally meaning „my dick hurts“, but we use it when we want to say „I don't care“ or „I don't give a fuck“. It might seem like a strong start, but in case you read the PART 1 of this article, you know that you can't expect anything else than this. Imagine the following scenario: you're in the bar watching a game and drinking beer with your homies when suddenly your friend Ivan says to you: „I saw your ex yesterday. She looked fine.“ And then, since you're completely over her and don't care about her the tiniest bit, you can answer „Boli me kurac.“ She was a bitch and she sucked. She was a sucky bitch.  

2. Jebem mu miša 

This one is one of my top 3 curses, because it reminds me of my childhood. And here's the deal – we can translate Jebem mu miša directly to „I'm fucking his mouse“, BUT in reality, it means something like„oh golly“. In other words, it's both cheesy and kinda child-appropriate. When I was a kid, every time I would fuck up something minor my father would say jebemu miša and I would laugh and have a blast. But also, for example, you can hear Ivan saying the same line when he accidentally spills his beer on the table. Jesus, he's such a nerd. Why are you even hanging out with him? His hands are always shaking like damn branches on the wind. And he still owes you 100 kuna.  

3. Jebeš me u zdrav mozak 

We came to the advanced phase of our linguistic journey, but after all, this is the PART 2 of our Croatian lesson (I'm just highlighting this fact so you would check the PART 1, sorry). This gem means „you're fucking me in my healthy brain“ and it is used when somebody is pissing you off, telling you or asking you something idiotic, or just generally annoys you by its existence. For example, imagine the scenery from the first point again. You're in the bar with your buddies, and this damn Ivan can't stop nagging you about your ex-girlfriend. He saw her here, he saw her there, she looked like this, she said that, blabla, you got the picture. At one point you will probably want to say: „DUDE. Jebeš me u zdrav mozak“. Don't be afraid of showing your balls, after all, you're the man, and Ivan needs to learn that. And your ex was a bitch anyway. Her hair didn't even smell THAT well, and her eyes weren't even THAT shiny. 

4. Pizdarija 

Frankly, when I speak Croatian I don't curse that much, with an exception of pizdarija, which is regular on my repertoire. Directly translated it means „pussy business“, but we use it in the meaning of „mess“, or generally something stupid. For example, after 5 or 6 beers you tend to get quite emotional, and we both know it. Actually, I don't know if it was the beer or just the wrong song on the radio, but you started reaching for your phone with the plan of calling your ex and telling her that you still love her. Your friends are rolling their eyes and grabbing your phone, and then somebody says: „DUDE. Stop doing pizdarije.“ Stop embarrassing yourself, there is plenty fish in the sea. The waitress is totally checking you out. Or wait. Ah, no, she's looking at Ivan. Well, that sucks. 

5. Nemoj me jebat 

This beauty translates to „don't fuck me“, but we use it in sense of „OMG“ or „no fucking way“. For example, when somebody is telling you a bombastic story or gossip, you can say nemoj me jebat, and you'll successfully fulfill your role in that particular social interaction. Also, imagine this context: you're leaving the bar after the big game. You're kinda drunk and kinda don't know where your keys are. You somehow find them in your pocket and enter the flat. You're sitting on your couch and you wish to check your Instagram. And them BOOM – your ex has a new boyfriend. Another boom – it's the fucking Ivan. 

Never trust Ivan, I told you in the PART 1!

Yours truly, 

Magda