I'm going to get shot! Help me! comedyopenmic #26

This is not @lucylin trying to sneak in another post. That would be wrong. He knows that only two entries are allowed, and he always follows the rules - so it's definitely not him.

This is Lucy.

That being said, he said I have to submit an entry to make people laugh. When I said 'no', he said he would shoot me if I didn't raise as smile.

So I am trying to make people smile with a gun to my head, and a threat to my brains being splattered all over the computer screen!

If that happened, I would not be happy. It's me that has to do all the cleaning around here, and I would imagine 'brains on keys' would be terribly hard work to remove.
Especially if I had no head.

He told me he doesn't want to look over my shoulder and put me off. He's thoughtful like that. He's even making me a coffee as i type. (with one hand, he's still keeping the pistol leveled at me..)
He just wants to see the up votes to see how funny I am, which puts me in a very difficult position.
Having a pistol to your head is not the best environment to try and be funny.

Did I ever tell you how bad in bed, Patriot was?

He's terrible, he is. He doesn't have a clue what to do with it.
It's not all this fault, to be honest. His biological endowment shows just how cruel nature can be to a man.
Or god really hated him, I dunno which.
Either way, he always puts a snicker bar in his trunks, when he goes swimming.

I even offered to pay for some surgery for him. (Well, for me really.)

We could actually double the size of it but he said, angrily " Look, even if it's two inches long, it won't make much difference."
It's a good job laughter is such an aphrodisiac. I laugh myself to orgasm most nights...

I'd love to take a picture of it and it to show you- but he wouldn't be very happy about that - and I don't have a macro setting on my camera.

I can't think of anything else to type, so hopefully this will save my life.....

HELP!

oh I have to nominate two people, I think.

I didn't know that.... because like I said, I am not Patriot, trying to sneak a third entry in.

I suppose I should nominate two people with the same disability as Patriot. Webcams are great!

@freebornangel, or webcam ID 23546. and
@practicalthought webcam ID 3452, on the primary site, and 2323 on the secondary one.