If the MSM were a wife...

This is totally inspired from a post by @caitlinjohnstone

https://steemit.com/democrats/@caitlinjohnstone/if-the-democratic-establishment-were-a-husband

I loved her piece, resteemed it, and then couldn't get this conversation out of my head...
....So it's now steemed!

Wife:
Hi honey, come over here, I have some gossip for you and just have to listen

Husband:
More gossip? I hate gossip, you know that.

Wife:
This will blow you away, darling.

Husband:
I'm not interested darling. You say that all the time, and it's never blown me away. It just gets a little , you know....boring.

Wife:
Don't you dare say that it's boring! You think hookers and peeing is boring?

Husband:
I don't care what people get up to in their bedrooms, hunni.

Wife:
Oh, you wont say that when you hear who it is.

Husband:
As long as it's not me, I don't care - and as far as I know, I haven't.

Wife:
Have you been getting hookers?

Husband:
Nope! I just said that.

Wife:
Idiot! Why are you spending our money on hookers?

Husband:
What? No, I didn't say that, I said just the opposite.

Wife:
Do you think I don't look sexy enough for you anymore? - is that it? Is that why you are looking elsewhere? I spend so much time trying to look sexy and polished for you.
Whenever you do decide look at me, that is.

Husband:
I think that you’re completely overreacting about the situation here..

Wife:
Oh my God, you didn't deny it, it must be true!

Husband:
What must be true?

Wife:
Is it a Russian hooker?

Husband:
What hooker? What Russians?There are no Russians!

Wife:
Oh, those bloody Russian ! Be careful, they will take photographs of you, and try to blackmail us.

Husband:
I don't know any bloody Russians! – hookers or otherwise.

Wife:
You know other Russians that are not hookers? Oh my god it's worst than I first thought.

Husband:
I’m pretty sure you heard this gossip from the security guards we have, didn't you?

Wife:
It is an unnamed source, shall we say..
I heard it from a friend, and she has lots of dealings with Russians in the mining industry. She knows how they work.

Husband:
And does 'your friend' know about these Russian hookers?

Wife:
She doesn't need to, I can see the guilt all over your face.

Wife:
SO... your not denying it then?

Husband:
Deny what? There is nothing to deny.

Wife:
How much are they black mailing you for?

Husband:
What!?
For the last time I - don't know any bloody Russians. Get your friend around here, and lets discuss this and clear up this whole mess up.

Wife:
I cant, she's deleted her email accounts and is not in contact. Even her 3 phones aren't working anymore.

Husband:
Oh, that's convenient. Well, if we could talk to your friend, I'm sure we could clear all this up.

Wife:
She doesn't want to talk about it to anyone she told me.
One guy tried to bring it up with her and she got very angry.
'I could have killed him', were her exact words.

... I haven't heard anything from him, for quite some, actually...

Husband:
You need to stop gossiping, and wasting your time all day, and do get a real job.

Wife:
Christ, what are you? A patriarchal, misogynist serial abuser?

Husband:
No, I'm the one who pays for your sexy clothes, your great house and all the trips you take .

Wife:
Ah! that's what you think. I get my money to look like this from elsewhere. I have a sugar daddy.

Husband:
What the hell? Who is this sugar daddy I knew nothing about?

Wife: Oh, I call him 'my little ChIcA'.
But he's not little, he's huge. Huge in ways you could never be. Huge in ways you couldn't possibly imagine.

Husband:
I'm outta here...I'm going to see Alex, Stephan and Drudgy

Wife:
Don't you dare turn your back on me, you hear?
You rely on me for everything!

I decide who you see!