Abigails discomfort, and pink hair...comedyopenmic #35 holloween special

Satan and his 6 demons sat around the large desk in the office's of Edelmans NY - the worlds largest PR company.
" I'm not happy about the company direction," Said Satan,
"I think we've been far to...to... negative, over this last couple of millennia. Hell has been getting a terrible rep."

They were discussing rebranding.

" Abigail's discomfort, for example," Satan offered, "That's much more user friendly, than 'Dante's inferno', don't you think?"

"Discomfort?" Said Baal, rolling his eyes in amazement "Why the hell are we even discussing this?"

Baal was his second in command, and he was having none of it. He'd come too far, and spent too many decades, to have his boss going soft on company policy now.
He thought back to when this change of heart had started, (or' non heart' to be more accurate).
He realized that it'd only been since the '60's (in human time), and partly his own fault...
...Baal had brought him a big bag of pot, and a few Deepak Chopra books, for a laugh- but it had backfired monumentally.
He knew it'd all gone too far when Satan kept asking him if their was another one of those 'the Celestine prophecy' books, in the pipeline..

It was time to get back on track, Baal thought, and what better way than to hold a PR conference?
Satan could hardly dance with the devil, (that would be silly) but he could do the next best thing - pirouette with a PR man.

With Halloween coming up, it might just be the jolt Satan needed, to get seriously devilish again.

Soros had been invited for creative input, but he'd declined the invitation.
(He'd heard of Satan's recent change of mindset , and was most upset. He was currently on masses of anti depressants and he'd locked himself away with some old videos of WW2 atrocities, to try and cheer him up a little.)

Edelman's chief executive had convened the meeting personally, of course - He'd never thought he would get to meet 'the man' himself.
But it was a disappointment. It wasn't what he'd expected.
Yes, he had the horns and the tail, but instead of fiery hate and smells of sulfur, Satan was dressed in hemp trousers and smells of petunia oil.
'Satan's hate' was more of a 'peace man'. It was most disappointing.

Early in the meeting , Baal tabled motion of a Hell CEO takeover.
Abbadon and Astoroth had supported and seconded the motion, but Satan changed them both into orangutans - and then put them in the jungles of Borneo to live out a natural life.
"They want fires and fireworks - , they got 'em! ," He laughed.

This pleased Baal immensely!

Maybe his old boss was getting his mojo back, after all.
It had been decades since he'd seen him play any tricks.

He remembered back to when Satan actually convinced that Castro fella, that he was far better looking than that Guevara fella, and how he'd have people wearing t shirts of his face all over the world in the decades to come.

That was a hoot! , and Baal tormented Castro about it endlessly, almost daily in fact.

But no, there was no real change.

No sooner had he condemned the two fallen angles to a life of tree hanging and scorchings, than he'd rolled himself another spliff, sat back, and muttered " That was just too heavy, man..".
Baal knew that a board takeover was out of the question , as Satan was just too powerful.

This PR meeting was his last chance to get things back on track.
It started with the sign in the netherworld...
While Baal was happy with " Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, " Satan was most certainly not.

"It gives the wrong impression," He said. "We don't want to be seen in bad light... lets make the new sign into hell - 'Abigail's discomfort' – but only if you're really bad .... Yeah, I like that" Satan said, waving his arms in the air, picturing it...

"For fucks sake , Satan!! " Said Baal, exasperated " It's hell! It's supposed to be bad!"

"Stereotypes are not cool, man, " Satan replied , " Not cool.."

Baal and the Edelman chief exec. looked at each other, but said nothing. The six 4 demons were also silent.
(the two empty, burnt seats of the ex demons, smouldered. They also had a feint aroma of orangutan turd).

"Okay, Mr Satan, " Said Edelman's exec. " What DO you want us to promote?"

"Halloween's coming up" Satan said enthusiastically , " It's a perfect time for a rebrand. We could start with 'tickle or treat', how about that? "

Silence.

"...And we can still do some possessions of course," Satan continued, " But instead of turning their heads 360 degrees and vomiting bile everywhere , we'll make them do stand up comedy, instead!
That'll be fun! "

More silence.

"C'mon you lot! I want some input here." Shouted Satan impatiently, " You need to think outside the torture box,"

" Sir, " said Moloch, one of the other demons, " Maybe we could abduct some children and only scare them a little, before returning them safely to their parents? "

" I like your thinking , Moloch, I like it, but instead of scaring them, we'll take them to Disneyland for the weekend instead!
A good photo opportunity all round! Nice optics."

Moloch looked dejected, but didn't want to become an orangutan, so he said nothing.

Baal couldn't hold himself back any longer " Sir, Sir, I protest. We have to something bad on Halloween!

Satan laughed " This is all bad, Baal. I've been reading some post modernist philosophy stuff, and it means that we can anything, even the opposite of what we thought , and then make into anything we like."

"Sir!" Baal shouted back " WE CREATED POST MODERNIST PHILOSOPHY , to screw up the healthy minds of the humans!"

" WE did?" Satan said, looking at Baal, suspiciously.

"Yes sir, we did" Said Baal, calming down.
"Well, we did a bloody good job then," Satan Said, " 'Cos it makes perfect sense to me."

Satan looked over at the chief executive of the PR company
" Do you think you could sell my new image?"
The executive looked nervously at Satan...
" I'm thinking 'Satania', " Said Satan, " Boobs,and pink hair..Here, I've done some sketches..."

A tear started to roll down Baal's face..feeling real pain for the first time ever...

I nominate @abigail-dantes (seems fitting) and @everittdmickey ( more santa than satan, but hey..)