A VERY 'Steem-y-fest Sunday'! ....(not NSFW.. if you have a filthy mind, that's down to you!) comedyopenmic #30

in blog •  3 months ago

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Colonel Honeydue was still smarting from the good licking received at 'the battle of Denmark's barn', from Colonel Dantes.

The Colonel had never received a licking like it - in all the time in the military - and it's a licking that would not easily be forgotten.
Still very sore from it, Colonel Honeydue was chomping at the bit to 'return the compliment' one day.

It was Colonel Honeydue that really wanted to provide the licking to Colonel Dantes, if there was to be a next time....

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The colonel now sat atop one of Rebecca's two mounds, looking down on the paddock.
Nostalgia swept over the colonel, as this was a very familiar place.
The memories of nearly two decades ago swept over the much older person, now looking down...
Remembering back to all the hours spent on those mounds - nothing more than a baby really - and it all just seemed like yesterday....

Looking down, the paddock was now overgrown and in a state of disrepair, but the colonel remembered back in the day when that paddock had grass so short you could roll a billiard ball on it !

Back in those days, the paddock had been the center of much activity, as Lady Rebecca had entertained many an enthusiastic gentleman, wishing to purchase her prize product.
(but only after trying to persuade her to give it away first..)

Lady Rebecca's 'filly flesh' was infamous in these parts, and much sought after. She could breed 'em like no other.

As Colonel Honeydue looked over at Rebecca's cottage, it was quite apparent that she was still very active, and could clearly see that there was some freshly ploughed dirt, so she must still be working it.

“ Good for her”, Colonel Honeydue thought, “ It's good to see the old girl is still getting her fields ploughed. ”

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Standing atop Rebecca's mounds a strange sensation came over - of wanting to put on a dress.
“That would have to wait,” Colonel Honeydue thought, "No time to reminisce about the old days, right now"

Hoping the coming battle would be a victory and not a licking - nothing seemed more appealing right now than to see Lady Rebecca in her cottage, and getting drunk with her. And never leaving.

Just the thought of sitting down with her and discussing her over grown paddock, and ploughed fields, was almost too much to bear. So near, and yet so far. ...

But first....
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....to battle!

He knew that Colonel doomsday-chassis would be arriving very soon to try and occupy Rebecca's paddock.
He had heard of this Colonel's reputation, and was unsure of what to expect.

Clearly quite eccentric he muttered to himself non stop, in a language that no one could understand.

“ I want a welder!” Was his notorious battle cry, “Just give me a friggin' welder, for chrissakes...”

Quite mad. Quite, quite mad.

As Colonel Doomsday-chassis saw Colonel Honeydue's positioned on Rebecca's mounds, he looked over longingly at Lady Rebecca's paddock...
He wanted to get in there more than anything, and clear the overgrown bush away, making it nice an tidy...
He had plans for that paddock.

Unable to explain his plans to anyone, (even himself, for he was quite nut's) he knew that it involved running around in circles with artillery pieces. Somehow.
He hadn't figured out the details quite just yet.
It did involve welders.
He wished he knew what the hell 'a welder', actually was....It made no sense to him, things rarely did, but he was determined to give it a go.

'What were these welder's?' He thought to himself. These strange words kept swirling around in his head, but he thought that if he could get into Rebecca's paddock, some of his questions might finally be answered.

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Marching toward Colonel Honeydue,...some new words popped into his head, from nowhere..

“What the fuck is 'an internal combustion horsepower'? ”, He thought to himself ...More strange words...
….he marched on towards the coming battle..

Lieutenant Colonel Comedyopenmic, the 30th was of no use to him at the moment, and He knew that he would have to take control of his regiment himself.

Ever since the dispatch rider had delivered Comedyopenmics (the 30th) 'marching powder' to him, all he had been good for was walking very fast and talking crap, non stop....

Only ever stopping when he came across fist sized, rounded boulders, he then spent 10 minutes fondling them, and then disappearing behind some bush or other for another 10 minutes, boulder in hand...
COM, the 30th had also recently taken to wearing his marching powder on his face 'to save time', he explained..

'Most bizarre behavior', Colonel Doomday-chassis thought, and coming from him meant that Comedyopenmic (the 30th), was totally, and utterly, nuts.

Meanwhile...

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As Lady Rebecca stood at her window in the cottage. She saw her Colonel Honeydue atop of one of Rebecca's mounds, and she smiled.
She would offer a drink to the colonel, later on - if the enemy were vanquished of course..

Inviting the colonel to stay awhile seemed like a very good idea, in fact..
The paddock did need trimming badly - but she didn't want to do it herself.

Maybe the Colonel could assist her. 'What fun!', She thought, '..Just like the old days'.

She sincerely hoped it wouldn't be that crazy colonel with the clown faced officers, that would be doing it for her...

I have to nominate @ladyrebecca and @doomsdaychassis really, don't I?

(there's no point nominating comedyopenmic, I don't look like a breast sized boulder..)

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Hi lucylin,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)

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I'm more interested in licking lady Rebecca

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not possible, I'm afraid, she's not a combatant..

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Give her a sword

Looks like a beautiful tongue, give me a little love. Tell me what to do. I went crazy to see the picture

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You got clickbaited, then...?

It's really all about the plasterwork, isn't it?

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Always mate, always..

I see I am representing the Confederacy quite well. I feel quite sad for what is about to happen to poor Col Honeydue.

I am judging this week so I will put in an entry next week. :) thanks for the nomination though.