Day 8 on Steemit – My Wife Didn’t Wake Up and My Neighbor Told The Cops

 

My lazy ass wife wasn’t content watching soaps all day in bed, so she decided to go to sleep and wouldn’t wake up. I tried rubbing sun burn lotion and jock itch cream on her sores, but it didn’t help. So I asked my neighbor if he could help me load her into his truck and drive us back to the free clinic, but that asshole refused and called 911.

I knocked the phone out of his hand and began kicking the shit out of him, but it was too late, the cops showed up and my stupid neighbor told them about my wife.

The next thing I knew, an ambulance showed up and they took my wife to the hospital. If that wasn’t bad enough my dipshit neighbor tried to have me arrested and then refused to drive me to the hospital. By the time the taxi got me to the hospital, they had already airlifted her to another hospital, can you believe that?

We don’t even have health insurance!

Now she’s living the good life, spending every dollar I’ll ever make, at some fancy hospital hundreds of miles away, while leaving me stranded at the regular hospital. I had to spent all my beer money on that first cab, so I was forced to sleep in the lobby of the ER and then walk three miles back in the cold.

That walk was hell!

It literally killed me, and as soon as I walked into the house, I was attacked by my three legged cat. It jumped off the curtain and got me right in the face and I had to Superglue my cheek shut. I don’t know what that little asshole's problem is, but he should know not to mess with me today.

Ugh...

Now, when I call the fancy hospital, they won’t even tell me what’s happening because I’m technically still married to my first wife and this one’s my third.

So now I don’t have a clue about what’s happening and I really don’t like being without a wife.

I’m almost tempted to go over to my second wife’s house to see if she is busy for the next few days. I would ask if she could give me a ride to the fancy hospital, but she always expects gas money and she never liked my new wife, they actually used to fight a lot when they first met.

This sucks!