“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” ― Mark Twain
Maybe it's the anxiety and lack of self-esteem but it really bothers me when my eldest sibling suddenly excels at things I do.
I was the one who was sewing on a machine paid through installments.
I was the one posing for pictures in cosplay at cons.
I was the one who had danced and do gymnastics.
I mean, I am happy for them and it always bothered me when they start shooting ahead of me.
They are the eldest one and had a 4 years age gap putting them in front of me at all times.
I am going through some changes in my identity and my biggest fear is that people would see it as me competing with them.
You are enough.
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I know this feeling, although in my case it was my younger brother. I struggled to get through school, and almost dropped out during a really hard time in my life, and he left school, was home-schooled, and got his GED before I got my diploma. It definitely stems from lack of self-esteem in my case, but also from frustration that isn't really about him, but about how hard I had to work. Maybe a little bit of jealousy, too?
Anyway, I hope you can resolve things in a way that makes you happy. You are enough. <3
I hate admitting the jealousy, the envy.
Well, perhaps it will go away with time. I've had about 10 years to get past my jealousy, and I think my brother and I have a much better relationship now.