Ladies: Let's Evolve!

Like this, but with boobs

At the ripe old age of 41 I’m finally discovering that I love women. Not in a “Leave my Husband for a Lesbian Affair” sort of way, just in a “Holy crap, women are not actually all the heinous bitches I thought they were,” sort of way.

Everyone knows the stereotypes: Women are catty. Women are competitive. Women talk shit about each other. I was in Kindergarten when I first experienced the (semi) truth of these tropes. A poor kid in a rich neighborhood, all of the girls teased me mercilessly including my own cousin who was a Peewee cheerleader. The first time I was invited to a sleepover party I discovered too late that I was literally invited just to make fun of. I can still remember the psychological torture of waiting until everyone else had fallen asleep so I could sneak away and call my mother to come get me. I was eight years old.

I know, right? Kids can be monsters.

By the time I was nine, I was so traumatized that when we moved to a new school and girls asked me to come over and play, I thought they were tricking me and stayed aloof, earning me the ironic reputation of “snob.” Over time I did develop friendships, but even those seemed to only reinforce the mythos as those girls competed to be “BFFs” and push other girls down the friendship ladder. By High School I was way over the drama and wound up spending most of my time with guy friends (I had always been a tomboy) and it wasn’t until I spent three months on Paris Island in my all-female boot camp platoon that I had any real immersion in a female group.

To be fair, it took me two days to realize they were all girls... BDUs are not flattering to the figure

Since then I’ve had a couple of great friendships with women. Only a couple, but I believe that has more to do with my own insular nature than with the lack of available friendships. Over the years I’ve heard the theory that women need to compete evolutionarily because we are in need of the scarcely available menfolk to stick around once they impregnate us. We need them to slay saber-tooth tigers and drag home mammoth meat or whatever.

Except… we don’t need them like that anymore.

Don’t get me wrong. The sun literally shines out my husband’s ass

Yeah, I’ll use any excuse to post this picture - Love you babe!

I love him. I feel lost without him when he’s gone all week working. And I do believe that two parent households are better for kids (I’m not going to argue about why so save it for another post if you want to). He is my very best friend and after 12 years of ups and downs I can honestly say I look forward to 50 more. Yes, a monogamous marriage is great, but the fact of the matter is I’m not going to starve to death or get eaten by a tiger if my husband decides he’d rather stick his Big Tex in some other gal’s Mistress Denna.

Don't ask.

Alright, alright! Calm down!

I’d be sad and maybe even struggle financially, but I’d survive. I don’t have to see every woman out there as a rival. If this truly is some evolutionary vestige and not just a socially imparted sickness, then let’s evolve already, ladies! There really is something awesome in sharing a friendship with another woman that just can’t be had with a dude, even a super gay one who is better at shopping and picking out hot guys’ butts in a crowd.

Naw, for realz!

I’m looking forward to meeting some special ladies here on Steemit. Damn, that did sound like I was looking for a side-piece. But for heaven’s sake, there is no normal way to even talk about it. What is the word for bromance but when it’s chicks? There isn’t one of course, because chicks don’t have bromances. Well I say it’s time we did!

Who’s up for a Galmance?

Freaking Patriarchy. They even take all the good portmanteaux.

Thanks for reading, I hope you got a chuckle. Don't forget to comment, upvote, resteem if the mood strikes!