I have been asking the universe for answers for months, or praying,
but mostly just opening up and listening while i've been completely alone for months on end.
Yesterday at the place i am so fond of going to for guidance, i was answered.
This has really opened my eyes, particularly as i was heading in completely the wrong direction.
I have been through stages like this before, but this was different, everything was 100x sped up.
Also i never spoke to a single person, apart from seeing and supporting a friend for a few days who was going through his own ordeal.
I learnt 10 years ago not to interfere with others, so i kept my struggle quiet,
all i had was my notebook and couple of books, a backpack with a few things and that was it.
For a few months i had started drinking again, smoking too and also gambling and running around all over the country and into europe a bit, but i was not fulfilling a purpose.
I was drowning my sorrows, it was clear i was not in good shape mentally or in spirit. I knew what i was doing, but this time i snapped out of it just in time.
I know what to do, i always did. I also am not your average instagram and youtube person who only shows the good times and denies the struggle,
which might i add, is where the real lessons can be learned, for me at least. I value authenticity and honesty, no matter how society will judge me.
I've since got back off the drink, i wasn't getting wasted, in fact all it was doing was numbing me. The gambling has stopped.
I am 9 days into a cigarette quit too, but the most important lesson, is to be aware of my thoughts and feelings,
because i have no idea if this is just me or not, but it seems that they are manifesting or becoming a reality almost instantaneously.
There is something going on with this timeline for sure.
I heard people talk about it accelerating years ago, but it really is actually happening now, inside myself and in the world in general.
There are so many signs trying to wake us up, but in this case i will just stick with "wake me up"
I knew i had lost my awareness, i hadn't stayed vigilant and even though i had always been aware that magic is real,
i had lost touch and convinced myself that it had left me and that I was alone,
in the sense that the great spirit had forgotten about me, but the truth is, it was the other way around. It always is.