“Routine” Madness and Routine Madness
Routine is a huge aspect in the arc of my life. Creating one, sticking to it, living it out, being sad when it ends or changes come...routine is a big deal for me.
However, I’m also a person who wants very much to, and envy those who, “float with the wind,” or “float with the water,” and I don’t understand that. At all. I literally want to do both.
I want a structured world with rules and no rules. That’s essentially impossible.
Since last August, when I became a full-time musician and content creator, routine has been really difficult. I keep thinking about the best routine for me, and in that, I’ve basically not adopted a great routine...or really one at all.
I wake up early
...and it annoys me. As a child, we weren’t allowed to, as my mother put it, “sleep the day away,” so sleeping in on the weekends or during breaks would be sleeping until 9 or 10am at the absolute latest. Usually, my brother was up by 6am and I was up by 7:30. We didn’t have morning chores, but my mom is a morning person and I guess she wanted us to be that, as well. I wanted to stay up late and sleep in. Nope.
After I graduated college, I worked as a telemarketer for a year, and the shift I worked basically set my sleep schedule anywhere from 4-6am to 1-2pm...that was okay, but I missed the day time. I worked from evening until night, and then was up the rest of the night, then slept during the day. I missed it, but I was tired, so I just missed it.
While I was teaching, I think I was most satisfied in my routine and schedule. I woke up at 6:07am, smoked a cigarette or two, got in the shower, in my classroom by 7:30, taught classes for which I had planned lessons, ate lunch at the same time, had a break at the same time...when I went home, I either played Guitar Hero or the drums between extensive sessions of grading papers. Melatonin sleep drunk by 11:30.
It’s been almost 11 years since my first year of teaching, and almost 7 since I left the profession, but that was a time of routine and schedule. I was living by myself. I did things the same way basically every day. It was comfortable. I worked constantly. Working constantly is incredibly comfortable to me...not necessarily super healthy, though.
I have a partner who dislikes routine for the sake of routine. I can and do appreciate and respect that, however, the past 7 years have been an interesting experience in a different routine.
But like all dances, we figure things out...I’m getting better at going with the flow, but I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with no routine. I have to do something about this. I’ve realized that part of my self-care is establishing a routine...it won’t be for everyone, obviously, but I have to do something or I’m going to burn myself out and go crazy. Honestly.
Since August, I’ve been learning about working for myself. I’m an asshole boss on the days I show up. When I am feeling manic, I push myself to the point of pure exhaustion. The expression “Time is Money” means a lot more to me now that I am my own boss than it did before...and I’m realizing that more and more, which is good, because I need to calm down in those moments of panic, and I also need to calm down in those moments of manic.
I don’t take a break...I get in the zone...I get a lot done. However, the next day, I feel almost hungover from it. I realize I’m pushing myself too hard...again, on a literal self-care level, I need to take a break...even to just get up from what I’m doing for five minutes. Some kind of structure that won’t burn me out. I am entirely too obsessive and compulsive about my projects, and having the structure set for me (or set ahead of time), is incredibly comforting.
For example, yesterday was incredibly stressful, but I made a list so I could feel better about it, and at the end of the day, when I had accomplished my tasks and they all had checkmarks by them on my list, I felt relieved.
I’m realizing more and more that I need structure. End of story. Need it.
So, many props to those of you who can go with the flow. I wish I could. I’m working on it daily, but like any addiction or compulsion, I know I’ll be working on this for my entire life. I’m not just going to wake up one morning and hate routine. I’m going to continue to crave it, even when it isn’t around. It’s like a drug.
So, I’ve been making little changes here and there and still trying to perfect a “schedule” that fits my needs. It’s hard when gigs are randomly throughout the week as well as weekends, and it’s hard to schedule time with friends because the time they have to hang out seems to typically fall in the same time that I’m working in one sense or another. It’s been tough. It’s going to be tough. But, I’m going to set a schedule.
I don’t want to burn out. Ever.
So, I’m just taking it one day at a time and trying to find time for self-care, realizing the things I need to be a stable person, and also get all the things done in a day that need to be done. It’s hard. It’s hard to find time to breathe when there are only 24 hours in a day.
All stock photography sourced from pexels.com and is licensed for commercial use.
I totally feel you. Creatives at heart are messy, unorganized, fleeting - not in a bad way, but just because I think we have so much going through our heads all the time, it's hard to reserve that space for the structure you are talking about. Creativity thrives in the moment, and sometimes you have to break routine to capitalize on surges of inspiration.
But I agree, everything in moderation. Holding yourself to a routine, or at least having one in the first place (even if you have to break it) is better than having none at all. It demonstrates responsibility and work ethic. Even if we don't execute perfectly, it's about forming good habits.
Great post! Hope you're doing well!
@harrisonmir moderation is so hard for me. Balance has been a lifelong struggle. Homeostasis seems impossible sometimes.
I’m going to take every opportunity to thank you for all the hard work you are putting into {Steemit Local Music Society On Discord}(link), and while I’m in the process of getting my shit back together, you’re continuing to grow the channel and make it the vision that I originally had when I created it. You’re a special dude.
Sidenote: I need to get you a pic of me wearing my Torches Academy shirt at a show. I’ve worn it and spoken of it a few times.
You are a true man of community, my friend. Thank you so much.
I can definitely relate - putting it into words makes it seem so much more simple than it actually is. But it's possible.
Of course, my pleasure - I'm happy to help in any way that I can! It's been going really great over the past couple weeks!
And hell yeah, that'd be awesome to see! lol
I'm with @melodyrussell on this one... since being declared disabled, I've figured out that I can't set a schedule to live by, although I do a little planning for the week definitely. I felt that when I set a schedule and broke it, or it got fucked up for whatever reason, I was punishing myself way too much for not sticking to it and spent more time wigging out on the broken schedule than fixing the bump. So I just left some slack in the rope and pretty much had a bummer factor rule set in place. With my bi-polar depression (not to mention the chronic pain), I never know when I'll be manic high or manic low, so I just try to plan stuff to go along with it, as opposed to against the grain. And although I might procrastinate more than I should... I don't feel so bad about things not going according to plans. I've been struggling a lot with using my time properly but I think that has more to do with the procrastination than anything... haha! But I also feel that it's something that will change with waves of life. Sometimes I can schedule but other times, I just need a day to sit on my ass and not worry about a damn thing. If I don't do this, I find myself getting way to wound up and that just throws everything off. It is a balancing act that I'm figuring out daily, it seems. Life changes constantly and you can never think of every scenario. Love you girl, you'll figure it all out. Just remember not to be so hard on yourself. Life is a learning process and the only thing that you can do wrong is to stop learning and growing.
I’d like to schedule a sit-down conversation with you at some point. From this comment, I realized I have a fuckload of questions I want to pick your brain about. I love you so much. Thank you for always being such an encouraging friend. i want to have this conversation face to face, preferably over some trees, and preferably just you and me. I wanna pick your brain and vent to a friend. I love you so much. Thank you for sharing this with me. It has given me an inspiration and you have no idea how impactful it is for me right now. Thank you @rockchickjen. Thankful for your friendship, for our extended family (through that Bev fella), and for your constant, undaunting support. You don’t know what it means.
Aww! Well I love you too and I agree about the sit down. Just us, the scientist, Bev and the boys at a table enjoying some good drinks and food sounds like an amazing thing we need to do! ;) I've also got some things to pick your brain about as well. I'm having a hard time with the teen right now (literally like tonight) and I don't know what to do or think or say... Oh man, I knew it was coming soon but just didn't even try to prepare for it... I know you might think that your advise isn't worth much but it is. You really help me see a different view and find things that I just couldn't see and that is so meaningful and helpful to me! And the scientist... pft! I could talk to that lady for days upon days and still not be done conversing with her! You just let me know when and where and it's on!
Funny you bring this up. I’ve been feeling quite the opposite lately. I’ve always been a spontaneous procrastinator and even though I’ve been a full time working mom for over 12 years, routine drives me absolutely batty. I understand that humans are creatures of habit, especially when kids are involved and that routine is necessary. But I tend to get really, really bummed out when I can’t break the cycle for a bit. This is my current state.
Hope you find something that works for you!
I wish I could be spontaneous. I’ve always joked that I’m completely spontaneous as long as it’s planned...but I’m seriously this fucking contradiction of a person sometimes with this stuff. I wish I could be spontaneous. I wish I had more of that in my nature. I have the want to want it, but I just don’t deal with it well.
Do you cope well with change? I would imagine folks who like spontaneous things would deal better with change. That’s something I’ve been recently curious about, if you’re at all interested in joining in that convo. I need structure and I hate change...and I think those things are joined at the hip. Not sure which one is the root...the structure or the change.
Anyway, would love to hear your perspective on this aspect of the topic. Love you!
Well of course I’m always interested in joining a convo with you because they’re some of my favorites! :)
Without rambling too much, I’ll just say that I crave change and I get a little moody (Ok, very moody) when things stay the same for too long. When things are too consistent, it makes life feel stagnant and for some reason, I find that upsetting. Then again, I do need a certain element of consistency in my life. It’s all about balance, but I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve not been able to master that balance and I probably never will. I’ve used the “More blankets and less blankets” metaphor more than once in a joking manner, and I’ll use it again and again in a serious manner. Jason will be the first to tell you that. I feel annoyed and anxious if I’m overwhelmed but I feel bored, pissy, and understimulated if I’m not overwhelmed. I hate balance, yet I want that balance at the same time .
I feel like this conversation could branch off in many different directions ;)
Something that I wonder about, since we seem to have similar issues on opposite ends of the spectrum is if it has anything to do with the fact that both of our birthdays (albeit a couple months apart) are located right around cusps of other zodiac signs...so we’re not fully this or fully that...and, good grief that can be frustrating to live in a mind like that.
I can’t say that I know much about astrology but you might be onto something there ;) And yes, it is incredibly frustrating being neither “this nor that”, as I’m sure you understand all too well. It’s funny... I was a little tipsy when I replied last night and basically expressed the same exact sentiment about the opposite thing you were talking about. Love you Jesso. ❤️
Set a routine then I’ll text you 10 times a day and screw it all up!!!
@jasonrussell bahahahaha between you, The Scientist, and one other of my good friends, I have people constantly texting me. While I’m writing or doing other things with my phone, I just put it on DND and check my messages when I’m feeling dead. It’s all good. You’re seriously one of like three people who regularly text me, and I pretty much always like talking Steemit, as you already know, so even if we’re bitching about Coinbase or fees or just talking platform, I always enjoy the daily text convos.