My “Heathen” Roommate

I didn’t know initially what I was going to write in the article. Then, I had a conversation with my roommate. Before I go into that conversation, let me give same back story.
My brother and I were raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses. Many don’t know that it is a cult. In leaving it, we were losing our family because of a practice called shunning. Worse yet, we stated that we no longer believed in their teachings, which means not only is our family to shun us, we’re to be considered the enemy of that society. All because we don’t agree with the teachings.
Now, one of the teachings of the society is that we were to consider those outside of it as “Worldly.” A word used often to denote someone unholy. A heathen if you will. Now that my brother and I had left, we needed friends. “Heathen” friends. I had been playing at my local game shop and became friends with several people there. In that time, my brother and I were plotting our escape from the town we had grown up in, to a new life. We had wanted to go to San Marcos. But difficulties and setbacks forced us to reassess our goals. After a couple of trips to Saint Louis we had gained friends there. After all the setbacks, my brother chose to just move. So, he made arrangements, packed his car and moved to Saint Louis with friends. Now this left me alone in the house my father had grown up in. We had discussed getting a roommate for myself but, we didn’t know if we could get permission from our landlords – our aunts and father. After finishing packing, my brother called our aunt that never joined the society to let her know he was moving. And, one of the first things she said was “Has Jason thought of getting a roommate?” In the time that my brother had been preparing to move, I had been talking to friends about his plans. In a conversation with friends they had mentioned another friend of mine named Cameron was looking for a place to move to. So, when my aunt asked him that, he said “Funny you should ask.”
So, Cameron had the day off work and, I got another friend, Sacha, to get him to come for coffee at the local coffee shop where I broke the news. And, that’s how I got my “heathen” roommate.
In the weeks that passed I learned more about him and where he came from, his mindset and, what kind of person he truly was. As I got to know him, I realized, I’m the “heathen.” He had noted that he was a Christian. I personally am not. Now the society considers those not within it to be worldly. To be “heathens.” So, now I have a “heathen” Christian roommate. Yet, I consider him one of my best friends.
On occasion we would have conversations ranging from tea, gaming, various alcohols to sociopolitical ideologies. Then, one day we had a nice long conversation. Before we started that topic he said something he’d said a few times before, “we need to find you a woman.” Then, as the conversation progressed, he asked about what I want in a woman, in a potential wife, and what qualities that I want in her that I would be willing to part with. I realized that I hadn’t given much thought to what it is that I want, and even more so, what I’d give up. He went into how his girlfriend broke up with him. Then, he lost his job and was spiraling down. After thoughts of suicide – something I had considered before myself – he saw a therapist and that was where it was pointed out to him that he was in a cycle of depression. The cycle as described to him was “sadness, lethargy, stuck, repeat.” And, the key to getting out of that downward spiral is to take action. But, you can’t do it when you’re stuck or, when you are sad. So, you have to do it between sad and lethargy, and lethargy and stuck. At that time he said he became “selfish” for about 6 months, and that he was a “bad friend” during that time. He noted that it was necessary to fix what was broken. It reminded me of an illustration where, you’re in a plane that’s crashing, and there’s 2 oxygen masks, and you must help yourself before you can help anyone else. I hadn’t truly helped myself. Been “selfish.” I told him how I hadn’t thought about what I wanted. Because of my upbringing I had very few options and not much of what I wanted. I was always giving up what I wanted to give to others. I loved sports yet I couldn’t pursue them because I had to serve the society and they were “worldly” things. I love writing and telling stories but, I “had to pursue the more important things” that the society deemed so.
After everything we had discussed, he gave me one of the best complements anyone has ever given me. He called me brilliant. I’ve been called smart before but never brilliant. He helped highlight my strengths and that I shouldn’t hold myself back. So, this “heathen” has been one of the best influences in my life. Because of him and several other friends, I’m now pursuing writing and am working on starting work as a health coach. So, what is it like having a “worldly” roommate? Someone not my brother? The major differences are experiences and perspective on the world. Like my brother, he’s been supportive and will even check on how I’m doing regularly. He’s given advice that’s pushing me in the direction I want to go in life. He’s been more than a roommate. He’s been a true friend.
As a final note, I’m proud to call him my “heathen” roommate.