Advice for Little Shiva and Boris in London

OK boys, I know neither of you like to take advice, but here is what I’ve got, based upon Wuhan, Italy and my contact in Slovenia who is the editor responsible for coronavirus there. I have put together an action plan for you, because I would rather you didn’t die.

Boost your immune system. Eat a whole pineapple every day for your lungs, take vitamin C every three to four hours, do everything you can to consume more fresh vegetables along with whatever else you shovel down.
Get a mask, minimum PPT 2.5, preferably with attached sealed goggles. Welding goggles are ideal as they seal in the eye cavity, which can also become infected.
Wear gloves. It is not always possible to wash your hands or sanitize them as often as you would like, so wear gloves as much as possible when you are near other people. When you are on your own, you can take them off so that you can again wash your hands and play with your face etc as much as you like, before again washing them to put gloves on again.
Cover as much of yourself as possible, and put your clothes into the washing machine as soon as you get home.
Bleach every surface and if not busy make yourself some sanitizer from aloe, alcohol and glycerin.
Try to maintain distance from other people, but when this is not possible, your mask and goggles should be on.
Break into a sweat at least once a day, masturbate a lot, poop as much as possible and use youtube to learn further lymphatic drainage techniques as this is important to your immune system.
Use benzoin as an expectorant with steam. Breath this in daily at least once, making use of a towel and a pan of steam. You may also wish to consider some lungwort tea.
Get some carbolic soap.
Ignore the government’s scientific advice on not bothering with the above as they apparently don’t actually know anything. Either that or they want you to expire. I would rather you didn’t

Ina