A fleeting Memory (Short fictional story)

Today keeping his eyes closed was work.

It was nothing outside of the realm of normalcy for Brandon. Neither, was the fact that he was struggling against the beams of the morning sun, protruding beneath his eyelids. If it wasn't his normal manic episodes robbing him of rest, it was withdrawals of some form or fashion. He was, in every sense, tired.

Photography by @awkwardness

He had been living this life style a while now, and the poor sleep seemed to just get worse. Forget about the hang overs, those were nothing for a tough soldier like him.

"I was a soldier; now look at me."

He had started drinking at the ripe age of 18. Brandon didn't have any trouble reminiscing his first sip of alcohol. Many of his memories were screwed. "Was it my idea to, change our convoy course? I knew it would save time, I didn't know I would take us through a mine field."

Brandon longed for a hard pull off a bottle of Grey Goose. "If only I didn't just go on a fucking cocaine binge."

Brandon had been part of the 10th mountain division in one of the treacherous wooded corners of Watertown New York, and he had remembered all the treacherous training exercises in the snow, all to prepare them to go to a fucking dessert for war.

It wasn't so bad when the Marines were at Fort Drum training along side them. The Marines had a quality about them. They seemed to be impervious to the elements, and had this gung ho pack mentality. It was inspiring to say the least.

He remembered Cpl. Tanner well. "You gonna stop by the barracks and drink a 12 pack with me tonight fuck tard?"

Brandon chuckled at the memory.

It wasn't the happy memories that were blurred. It was the horrid ones. When Cpl. Tanner was in the hummer that set off the mine, Brandon went into a state of autonomous shock. He could only remember how silent everything seemed to become, and how the black sticky soot had stuck to his hands while he wildly searched through the rubble for his friend; his brother.

"If I had some booze, I would take a shot for you corporal."

As Brandon was blowing some bloody mucus into a taco bell napkin, his girlfriend slammed the front door.

"Of course my payee won't give me anymore money! What the fuck! It's my fucking money!"

"Ashley would you please shut the fuck up so I can gather my thoughts? "

"Oh of coooooourse Brandon, it's always shut the fuck up when you don't have a sip to get your fucking dick hard."

"Ashley, I don't talk to you like that, you don't need to be so nasty when you don't have your fix."

"This has nothing to do with a fix! It's my fucking payee I'm mad at. What gives her the fucking right? I told her I lost my last receipt. I don't understand what I ever did to make her not trust me."

"Gee, who knows Ashley, maybe the fact that your SSI was approved while you were sitting in rehab..."

"Fuck you Brandon."

"Again, stop being so damn nasty to me."

Brandon squinted at the piercing rays of sunshine. He knew sleep was a futile imagining. He revisited the explosion in his mind every so often. It wasn't a choice of his. The thoughts would come when they came, and persist until he drowned them.

" If only I could have peace and quiet. "

Brandon's mind just couldn't seem to focus, or exact information from the fleeting memory. He wasn't sure why he couldn't just let it go. "Cpl. Tanner is dead, and no introspection will change that."

He knew it was true, it was futile, but he couldn't let it go. He couldn't remove the burden of guilt from his mind, that maybe if he had chosen a different route, chosen a different plan. Maybe his fellow soldiers and fellow Marines wouldn't have died. "why did I have to be in a decision making position... Why?"

"Brandon are you fucking ready? I need you to talk to my payee. You're always able to convince her with your charm."

Brandon glanced at the bottle of Depakote on the night stand, the latest drug that the VA had prescribed him to solve his problems.

"Jesus, I don't even know who I am anymore"

"Come on Brandon! Let's go, I need my damn fix. "

Did he have an appointment with the shrink today? He though he did... He wasn't sure however, Brandon always felt like there was something he was supposed to be doing, but he just wasn't sure. The memory was fleeting.

" Yes Ashley, I'm ready. "

The End.

I hope you enjoyed. I wrote this today with intentions to write something a little different. What inspired me to write this, was being woke up by people in active addiction, fighting about their fix. I understand the mentality, and the effects of withdrawal from my experiences with addiction. It's hard for me to be patient with this, even though I've been a problem in the past for others, just as they are for me now. It's hard to remind yourself that you are the same sometimes, as the things you hate, and even if you've improved, it doesn't make your worth anymore important than the next person's. Have a great day everyone. @futuremind