Remember

I remember my father as an active man. even at 74 years old the man still works out for an hour at the minimum. I remember my father as an imperfect man. he wasn't around for much of my childhood but came back around when I was 22. but you know I was never mad at him. as a child I remember not understanding why he wasn't there but I was never mad at him. as I grew older I realize that we all make mistakes. sometimes good people screw up doesn't make them bad just makes them human. when he came back I just accepted him like he never left and he always made mom so happy. I remember that this year I did not get to spend Christmas with mom and dad for whatever reason I had. I suppose I will always remember that. 

but the thing about my father is he was always himself he never changed for people love him or hate him. he was who he was. he was a strong man. and despite his grumpy tendencies he cared about the people he loved and family was everything to him.

Today I saw my father in critical care. he had a stroke and had massive bleeding in his brain. they removed a large part of his skull to release the pressure. there is brain damage but their not for sure how much. and I saw him there and I thought no matter the out come he will either not be the man I once knew. he wouldn't wake up to exercise. he wouldn't go outside to shoot his bow or he is simply going to cease to exist. I know the absence of losing a loved one all to well........ and then I thought about what was mom going to do?

I said all this not to tell you to hate life. I didn't say this for you to feel sorry for me. but to simply say, tell the people you love you love them. hold them close. hold them tight. make each day with them more precious then the last. because in the end that love is what's going to matter. when you are taking your last breaths or you are watching the last breaths of someone you love you are not going to care about their job. you will not care about a grudge you held. you will remember the times you spent with them laughing. the times you spent together talking and bonding.

one love

one race

one song