Blog 09-Apr-2018 : 1 Week Countdown
Hi anyone reading, good day to you.
Today early in the morning my girlfriend wanted to talk to me, however it was postponed till the afternoon. She got things out of her head and told me everything she disliked all this time, how I treated her, how she wants me to be, how I am compared to her friend's boyfriend, how she feels I make her feel. Roughly she told me how I always treated my friends better than I treated her like prioritizing them over her, how I am not making effort when I am with her and always funny with my friends, how her friend's boyfriend would always go to events and go out together with her friend and I am not, how I make her feel that she is not important. There are a lot of things more but I can't get it all through my head now. She also mentioned about me not working now and how I am supposed to not try give myself a time frame to go for my dream.
She pointed out things she felt grieved, one of them which is how I went for a vacation with friends but wouldn't go one with her and because of that I didn't have anymore budget to go on a vacation, this really confuses me, first, I did ask her if she wanted to go together with my friends before which turned out she can't because of scheduling issues; second, we never go on a holiday together only two of us is because her mom forbids it. It's her mom that forbids us going overseas together that I didn't make any vacation plan for the two of us, and recently when she asked to go on a vacation and she said her mom allowed I actually said okay, but in the end it was cancelled because her mom forbids it.
She pointed out how I am always being funny with my friends and wanting to go out with them but didn't want to go out with her, the fact is I din't really like going out, I like to stay home more because of my current condition. I didn't act myself when I am with my friends, but I did with my girlfriend because if I can't even be myself when I am with her I can't figure out how she is special from others.
She pointed out how her friend's boyfriend always brings her friend to wedding invitations, to the beach, to holidays, and she said she didn't want to compare although she is already comparing. To be honest I don't like bringing my girlfriend to a wedding banquet if I am going with my friends, because I feel a bit restricted and I don't really know why. She also said her friend's boyfriend would cancel plans with his friends if her friend can't join the plans, unlike me that kept going for vacation months ago although she can't because of her schedule.
Another thing is she said she was shocked and disappointed with me because I told her about things I said I want to talk to her about my marriage plan, how I asked for a wife that wants to work after marriage. She said of course she will work although she is the one that clearly said to me she didn't want to work after marriage before. She said what I told her and whether she can accept it makes her feel like she is replaceable and I would get married with just anyone, I do get offended, am I even that cheap? that aside, I don't feel like I am in the wrong to talk about my marriage plan as we are already dating for 3 years plus and it's what a mature relationship should do. However I guess it's just not working out. We agreed on a one week calm down period and talk after, I guess I only needed less than a day to come up with my decision.