It's taken me 8 days to read though what I'd written. Denial? Maybe. I wasn't going to share it but here goes...

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What are my Superpowers?

Numbers? Nope.
Money? Definitely Not.
Languages? Nope.
Writing?
Humour? ... I do like to laugh, and I do have a sense of humour, but I'm no standup comedian or great play write.

Music?
Theology?
Religion?
Science?

Politics? Conflict resolution? Financial wizardry? No, no and no.

What is my superpower?

Art? Music? Poetry? Programming?

Maybe they're the magical things laying dormant within me, aggravating my subconscious as sleep doesn't find me, laying here awake at 3am.

If they are how do I unlock them?

What is my true self?

What do I bring to the table? An uncanny ability to slack off? Find distraction in the most mundane?

Procrastination. Is that a superpower?

I don't think unnecessary worry, anxiety and depression are superpowers either.

Insomnia? Nope. Definitely not a superpower. Unlike in Fight Club, that getting-shit-done while you don't sleep is bullshit.

Living with insomnia for any amount of time you'll find yourself walking through your workday like a zombie, your short term memory shot, and you can't concentrate on a single task for long enough to get anything productive done, little own run a successful underground society plus manufacture and wholesale soap that the most modern single-origin-hipster would be jealous of.

And the nights are torture when you can't sleep.

Agitation, restlessness, and a vague feeling of guilt chase each other around inside you in a rambling cycle of thought that just churns and churns away, churning around in your mind getting you nowhere fast.

And if you do "get shit done" when your in that state of mind, when you look at it in the harsh reality of daylight, you often find your midnight masterpiece is anything but. (much like this rambling mess).

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Walk it out. Every day. Give it conscious thought.

And walk.

Every day.

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What do I like? What fires up my imagination?

• Music
• Art
• Poetry
• Fiction
• Photography
• Music
• Computers,
• Graphic design,
• UI, UX (user interfaces and user experience - hell, I'm a front end developer)

Did I mention music in there?

If I only had time to explore these things and hone my craft.

I do love music. I've played guitar since I was 13. Picked up bass for the first time at 16, and fell in love with ukulele at the ripe old age of 32.

I've been obsessed with listening to music since I was very young. My mum had an awesome record collection of early rock n roll singles that I grew up listening to. Basically as soon as I could work the stereo and record player on my own it's all I wanted to do. She had everything from the Beatles, the Stones, Chubby Checker, Del Shannon, the Everly Brothers, Roy Orbison, and loads more. All stored in a couple of flip book style cases. With kitsch graphics from the early 60s on the covers.

Is music my superpower?

Maybe.

Listening to music isn't a superpower though is it.

I can kinda play guitar, bass and ukulele, but with full time work and full time family I don't get much of a chance to. I try, but the only time I can steal away for myself is late at night, and that's not a good time to be making noise in a small apartment with wife and two kids sleeping.

When I was a teenager I definitely thought music was my superpower.

I was in a band, gigging around the city, earning fuck all money, often not getting paid at all at the end of a night. Well, we'd mostly get paid a little, plus usually a bit of free booze, and we did manage to save up and pay for studio time to record a few demos, plus buy stuff like drumsticks and guitar strings.

We had a blast. Pubs and bars, parties, harbour cruises, hired Scout halls and Masonic temples...

I thought we'd really make something of it.

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redacted - this was a rant about the band breaking up when our guitarist was scouted by a signed act, and the shitty side of the music industry

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Then enter the soul sucking life of working for a paycheque. You find yourself doing things you'd have never dreamed of.

Then enter wife and kids and that paycheque isn't just nice to have so you can move out of your parents house and go out with friends on the weekend, it's vital in keeping hungry mouths fed.

So you try and find something you like to do.

Something you like that someone will pay you to do.

Great.

Until the work side of it sucks all the fun out of that thing you love to do.

Suddenly your looking back on 10 years of your life you've sleepwalked through, and that something you liked is now just something you can do to earn a dollar.

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I wish I had more insight into myself, or at least the time to spend alone with my thoughts... I think we all get so caught up in the day to day that we loose touch of the naive optimism of our youth.

When you're young all the time in the world seems to be in front of you. As you get older you realise that while you've been looking forward to things that could happen, the things that matter most have already past. Hindsight's a bitch sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's ever too late for someone to change the course of their life and find something that drives them, be it something new or something that's been burning inside them for years.

Maybe I can steal some magical time to myself when I'm not demented from lack of sleep, not stressed to the eyeballs with worry for the wellbeing of my wife and our broken medical system, and find the spark that will reignite my superpowers.