Still Alive with Fear Alive in Me - Life of Every Indian Women

It’s pitch dark and I wanna get back home as soon as possible. The frequent calls and a stream of messages from my parents have got me hushed to board the immediate bus that I get on the way. Now that it’s the closing hours for offices and other working companies, the public vehicles overflow with the crowd.

The hands of the clock had been ticking so fast that the glimmer that I had been sustaining since morning started to fade slowly. It was getting dark and the number of buses I could see was denumerable. I was sweating cold and I felt like I was getting an instant schizophrenia for a moment.

The sight of every man around me made me feel like a fish out of water. I could hardly aid myself with a random female companion at that place. With the mix of thoughts running through my mind, I felt the fear that I had for men was certainly unnecessary.

Not to blame me, but the society.

I was enveloped in all negative vibes. Even the slightest glare or gaze of a man was spine-chilling. I don’t feel like I can stand and hail a cab without hunching my shoulders in hopes that my chest will be a little less obvious and I thought if I little braze up my chest, I was gonna be hounded by the eyes of men.

And almost reflexively when on public transport, invisible antennae go up all over my body ready to sense the slightest unwanted touch or sign of harassment.

If it’s like this for me, what must it be like for the tens of thousands of women who use public transport every day, or the tens of thousands across the country who don’t even have to leave their home to feel unsafe, mistreated or disempowered?

Of course, none of this is new – nor is it a news to millions of Indian women. Sadly, such experiences had become so much a part of a woman’s day-to-day life here that many of us had stopped questioning the unfairness of how unsafe most of our cities are for women.