"getting money out of exchanges over Murican holidays."

In my opinion, problem the only real actionable point in this post.

"understanding that the miners drive the currency."

Ultimately, absolutely right. Their profitability is what keeps the chain alive. That is one reason I've found the whole Bitcoin Cash thing so interesting - there's finally very two similar chains and protocols, that work on the same hardware (like ASIICS), now competing for mining activity based on who is more profitable. Exciting stuff...for awhile, it went back and forth every couple of days.

"You're going to be in my next #bernieblackfriday post for sure (and it won't be in a sarcastic way like @sweeeettsssssj's mention was in my first shameless upvote grab)."

I'll make sure to check that out...and the one you mentioned here.