Bitcoin and the Avocado on My Aunt’s Philtrum

Bitcoin’s price correlates very closely with the positioning of the rancid avocado under my Aunt’s nose.

The avocado’s current domicile under my aunt’s nostrils is called a philtrum. You may not have known that. It’s understandable. I surely never had any reason to know what a philtrum was. Why would I? It sounds like a disease, or maybe a tool that you use to unscrew that little thing inside your toilet that makes the other thing go up and down when the water sloshes in and out.

(For anyone in a “non-bowl style toilet” locale, do yourself a favor, buy a plane ticket to America, head to a good all-you-can-eat barbecue joint down in some southern state, sit on the toilet, flush it, and state there. When you feel the water gently lap up against your bottom, you’ll understanding the toilet dynamics referenced above...and also, congratulations, you’re now a U.S. citizen. Our Constitution is weird.)

I call this toilet the "Bittrex"

The entire concept of philtrumness only came up on my radar a short time ago when I noticed the brownish-green piece of avocado stuck between my aunt's upper lip and the bottom of her nose tip.

Now, out the outset, please understand, my aunt is not normally putrid. Sure, she has her own set of smells, many of which bring back good memories of that corner in the basement of that party house in college where everybody pees, because the bathroom is upstairs and the party is way too #turnt to leave the dance floor.

But when she came over and gave me the sweetest kiss, right in the corner of my bottom lip and my cheek, even getting a little tongue in there, presumably by accident, although with her, you can never tell, the aroma of something both partially in the process of dying and, somehow, also partially dead and rotted for weeks, wafted over me.

I pulled back and tried to give my aunt a cute smile, to show her that I loved her and that I wasn’t, in that moment absolutely and horribly disgusted by her very existence.

Not Me...Not Even How I Looked...But still a good "Yuck Smelly" Picture

And that… Well that is when I noticed the old avocado.

I wanted to tell her about the problem, it’s location on the front side of her head, and how to eliminate it, but I didn't think it was polite to just come out and say, “Your face is being ruined by pre-guacamole. I need you to remove your face from my general vicinity. Oh my god I want you to die so we can just bury your entire body, face included, without having to figure out a way to deal with the piece of avocado specifically.”

Since I was in a position where I didn't know how to react, I fell back on the crutch of all socially inept losers, and pulled out my phone. And because I had no real reason to be on my phone, I started to Google "little tiny indentation between nose tip and lip, where food sometimes is stuck,” in the hopes of figuring out a scientific way of notifying my Aunt about the terrible food-glommed-onto-to-face situation.

And is when I found the word philtrum, which, in turn, lead me into one of those never-ending Wikipedia link holes, which worked it’s when through lots of great reading, including (in order but leaving out about a hundred or so articles in between the ones listed) loop quantum gravity, hominy grits, Joan of Arc, a town in California called Tuber, and finally, bitcoin.

Notice Joan of Arc's very Holy Philtrum

Because I'm sure you already know how bitcoin works, I don't think it's necessary to tell you the details of my swan-dive into the crypto currency pool. (Or is it a cesspool? Or maybe just kind of a rough edges cenotaph with a lot of potential for fun or for horrific drownings...Not sure yet).

But I do think you deserve to know about my incredible discovery. It’s...well, it’s earth-shattering. It (in addition to everything else ever) makes Elliot Waves look like voodoo nonsense.

As it turns our, I happen to have a background, from a past life (like, before I changed my daily routine...not some reincarnation thing) in economics and investing in equities. So while I’m new to the blockchain thing, I have a good base for commenting on this area in general.

It is from this accumulated wisdom, and closely studying the markets and the emergent properties of my immediate surroundings, that I can confidently say that the price of bitcoin, especially on a minute to minute basis, correlates very closely with the positioning of the rancid avocado on my aunts philtrum.

Very Legitimate Verification of Trading Strategy's Success

Thus far, I have not made any substantial sums of money utilizing this particular trading tool. It appears that it works best within a 2-3 week swing trading system, so I will have to back-test it and get back to you in the upcoming weeks.

I fear that if the avocado were to become detached and fall, the entire crypto-currency market would likewise crater, perhaps even permanently.

I will, therefore, take my leave here to procure another avocado on which my aunt can feast, increasing the probability that, at the very least, if the original avocado piece doesn’t hodl, a new one will replace it.

I’m doing this for all of us.

Pray for me.