RIP Bitcoin: A Look back at its Path to Failure...wait...

All good things must come to an end. Like the automobile, the internet, the ipod, and AC power, Bitcoin was obviously just a fad.

Let's go back to the beginning and look at the eventful, yet ultimately tragic life of the Big Mac of Blockchain.

In a dark, back alley ramen shop in Tokyo, Satoshi Nakamoto sat and scribbled the original code on a napkin. He was never heard from again. In 2008, Bitcoin.org was anonymously registered, a whitepaper posted by Satoshi, and community coding started happening on sourceforge.

And on January 3rd, 2009, the genesis block was mined by Phil Collins. Haha that's a joke. Sorry about that it's not cool to joke in an obituary. It was Peter Gabriel. Haha that's it I'm done really. Then the first transaction was made, giving Satoshi roughly 1 billion dollars. Or so he thought, now bitcoin is dead and he'll never get that money. Or maybe he's a she???? I guess we'll never know because Satoshi will live the rest of his life in shame at his absolute failure.

In 2010 exchanges were going, pizzas were being sold for 10,000btc, Mt. Gox was online(whoops!), and the market cap exceeded 1 million dollars. Hopes were as high as the developers.

In 2011 btc value hit $10, bitcoins were hacked and lost, and I failed my systems dynamics class(I took it in the summer semester). We should have known it was doomed then. We should have listened to these guys:

“The developers of bitcoin are trying to show that money can be successfully privatized. They will fail because money that is not issued by governments is always doomed to failure. Money is inevitably a tool of the state.”- Edward Hadas, Economics Editor for Reuters Breaking Views, for NYTimes.com

"But make no mistake, Bitcoin is not the currency of the future." Joe Weisenthal of Business Insider. How how Weis you were Joe, if only we'd listened.

"We can laugh at Bitcoin but real guys, in real basements, are losing real fake money right now." - David Clinch.

2012 brought us Bitcoin Magazine and Coinbase. We got up into the 200k's of blocks, there were more hacks, ponzi schemes, more writing on the wall. But we ignored it like complete idiots.

In 2013 we had a crash, smart people like Steve Forbes knew better but we didn't listen. We were only encouraged when it inexplicably shot up to $300. I guess that was because it started to be able to be used to buy stuff at places like:

Sorry there are a lot more but I couldn't capture it all in my giant monitor. But you get the point. Pathetic. How did we not see the end coming? I mean, fiat is practically perfect. We should trust our governments.

Anyway, after bitcoin died about 150 times and kept coming back stronger than ever, THIS time it's really over. I mean the marketcap is now down from 50billion to 40billion.

I guess Steven Colbert was right when he said bitcoin is just gold for nerds. And nerds never win.

Goodbye, Bitcoin, let me end this with a poem, from Percy Shelley, a guy I roomed with in college.

"I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said, two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert.. near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed

And on the pedestal these words appear,
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck boundless and bare,
the lone and level sands stretch far away"

Oh wait, it's coming back up. Nevermind.