I Hate This Dominatrix Who Made A Cool Million Having Guys Mine Bitcoin For Her

I know sometimes I may not come across this way, but the rumors are true: I don’t know everything. At least I have the humility to admit that, right? (DMs are open). So while it’s not the most glamorous admission in the world, here we go: I don’t understand the blockchain. There. I said it. Do I have some funds tied up in Bitcoin? Of course, I’m not trying to be a little broke boy when the banks collapse, but I don’t understand what Philip Roth has to do with my IRA but that doesn’t mean I don’t contribute to my retirement fund.

You know what else I don’t understand? I don’t understand what the fuck a “financial dominatrix” is, but apparently it’s a “form of psychological domination where money is the tool for the transfer of power.” Honestly sounds like a sugar baby situation? I don’t really get it. But what I do get is that there’s a financial dominatrix out there who’s making her clients mine her Bitcoin for her, she’s raking it in, and I’m absolutely befuddled over this whole situation.

Per Market Watch:

As bitcoin climbs to record values, many people are wishing they had invested in the currency sooner — while dozens of men who did buy it are giving it to a woman they’ve never met.

The woman, who calls herself Theodora, is a financial dominatrix, which means clients — many of whom never meet her in person — derive sexual pleasure from giving her gifts and money. Exchanges of money can range from several dollars in “tributes,” as they are called, to gifts of more than six figures. Some clients even become a “human ATM,” meaning they give her complete control over a bank account.

“It’s a form of psychological domination where money is the tool for the transfer of power,” Theodora said. “It’s quite common for powerful men like politicians or CEOs to look for a form of sexual release by submitting to a woman — they are in control all the time during the day — and giving up control financially is a more tangible instrument of power for them.”

Based in Paris, Theodora has been working as a dominatrix for eight years and accepting cryptocurrency for four. She also specializes in “femdom hypnosis,” a process through which she says she’s able to dominate men using hypnotism. Her clients, all men, are in their late 30s to early 50s and usually come from the U.S. and the U.K., she said. They include a core group of 20 to 25 regular big spenders who make donations as high as $100,000 at once — some of whom she does “real time” sessions with in person — as well as 200 to 300 people who make smaller contributions online, most of whom never meet her in person. She communicates with them mostly online and by phone (she charges $25 a minute to call her and be ignored; $69 a minute to actually be spoken with).

I’m always a proponent and champion of the “whatever floats your boat” school of thought when it comes to your sexual fantasies. But, I think I speak for everyone when I say fuckkkk these people. Fuck everyone who’s involved.

First, fuck the weirdos who’re giving away their hard earned bingo dingo doos to some French chick for reasons I can’t seem to wrap my head around. Like, I get that they want to relinquish power or whatever, but what is wire transferring money to a Nigerian prince a French dominatrix accomplishing that giving to someone maybe more needy wouldn’t? Do they have to be attracted to the recipient? You’re really telling me this Theodora is the hottest financial dominatrix out there? No way not buying it. I mean look, yes, she’s attractive. But the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen? For sure not. I could find a supermodel on the streets of NYC and the two of us could get a financial dominatrix operation off the ground in minutes.

And this Theodora. Fuckkkk her. You’re telling me she’s the GOAT financial dominatrix? Honestly looks like the easiest job on earth. Just flat out embarrass dudes after they shower you in coin. How hard could it be? Why is she the one who’s making millions?

Theodora had me wicked intrigued, so I went to her website which is cocky as all hell. It’s called “bemyatm.com” and the minimum tribute is $5. I’m still pretty naive at this whole financial domination world, so $1 is really more my speed. I did not give her a tribute. I still have my financial freedom. As opposed to financial slavery, which is what she calls it.

Little more recon, came across Thoedora’s Twitter page, and hey! Looks like she’s up for an AVN award (congrats) in the “favorite indie clip star” category (along with like 50 other girls and one dude named Tim Von Swine. I’m not kidding). Of course, I did my due diligence to see some of her indie clip work – I couldn’t find any.

I’m never going to knock the hustle; never will I be found bashing a deal closer. But I think I can speak for everyone when I say that sometimes life isn’t fair. Because here we have this Victoria’s Secret mannequin looking French financial dominatrix, who lets men become human ATM machines, doesn’t have to even look at their penises let alone not have to do anything of or related to having sex with them, and she’s swimming in Bitcoins like she’s the third Winklevoss twin. All I can say is I hope she doesn’t win that AVN award and that her Bitcoins get stolen by the North Koreans. Am I jealous? Sure. But really I just want an even playing field – she’s got a stronghold on the financial dominatrix landscape and I want to see more power payers emerge.