RE: ❤️ Bittersweet Birthday & Taking Another Break ❤️
Hey, thanks for your post.
I find your writing easy to read and understand. The content (so far) has tended to be a bit dark, but that's your life, and I understand darkness.
It seems to me you have a good understanding of your illnesses and situation, and that your sadness is appropriate. I think most of what you talk about is very normal for somebody going through what you're going through. That doesn't make it any better or easier, I know.
Chronic pain is misunderstood by all who haven't experienced it. The best way most of us can explain this to people is "it takes on a life of its own". Not because we want it to, of course, but it happens eventually to anyone who suffers significant pain over a long period of time. It can't be ignored forever, and there are cumulative effects of suffering.
It sounds like, for you, the ups and downs are tiring and destructive. When you feel just a little bit well, you overdo it, and temporarily lack judgment in knowing when to scale back. At least you're becoming aware of that, and maybe it's the start of being able to improve it.
How are you for support? Family, friends, medical professionals, communities or groups? Sounds like you've got a furry companion at least :)
As for your bday, if it means a lot to you, I'm sorry it wasn't a good one. Personally I care very little for bdays. 29, hah, barely an adult at this point! ;) I'm pushing toward mid 40s. And really, we're both young. You're a wise 29, and despite not being in full health, you're also not dead, and you're in better health than some people are. Doesn't make it any better, but it's perspective. Sorry for being blunt, but it's kind of my only setting.
I hope you're able to remain at least somewhat optimistic for your tomorrows, which can make today's suffering a little more bearable. And I also hope that the suffering begins to subside, today and every day, until you're totally happy and healthy again, even if that takes a while. Lastly I hope you find something pleasant, fun, interesting, or exciting about today. Even if it's a small thing, it's something.
Anyway, I can hear you. I can even understand you. Hell, I can (at least partially) empathize with you!
You deserve better than to suffer like this. I'm sorry that you're going through it.
Please take care of yourself,