How I became a millionaire investing in DolphCoins and the logic behind the Dolphcoin (humor)

So here I am... In my mid-30's and if anyone would of told me I'd be a millionaire from investing in the Dolph Lundren Coin or more aptly put, "DolphCoin".... I would of said: "You Sir are crazy to the highest degree..."

But here I am.... sipping appletini's daily and I literally have to mace women in the face to keep them away from being all over me... But let's get down to brass tacks...

The Logic Behind the DolphCoin:

In a typical Crypto-Currency the coins are mined through data hashes but with the DolphCoin this just isn't needed.... With DolphCoins every time you kick a terrorist in the softest part of his head or rescue a woman or children from a burning building you immediately receive 1.0 Dolphcoin credited to your meatwallet which looks like 2 flexing biceps on a billfold. Any time you slam a clip into your .45 and hit that bullseye at the range dead center every single time with every single bullet, you guessed it, another Dolphcoin happily pounces into your meatwallet.
Every time you make a manly grunt and dip the tip of your cigar in whiskey you earn another Dolphcoin.

Since I am a pathetic pulsating douche I cannot earn these coins because I don't have a heroic cell in my entire body... THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM WITH DOLPHCOIN! I just open up my bank account and poor money into the Dolphcoin to invest and BAM.... overnight I was a thousandaire.... and then a week later I was a millionaire....

I would suggest you all invest in the Dolphcoin..... because after all.....

JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMN THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY I EARNED!!!!!!!