Types of Benders
We have all been there and if you say that you haven't then you are a liar, my friend. I myself have had my fair share of benders for a slew of reasons. Here are some of the more common ones that I have experienced myself or have seen my friends go through.
The Break Up Bender
You thought it was meant to be. She was supposed to be the one. Then you two broke up. This is an emotional bender, which the majority of benders are, but this one is the toughest. You say that you are not going to get drunk but you realize those are just words when you wake up in a bush downtown with piss all over yourself. Waking up from something like that does not give you the best feeling in the world so you go and hit the bottle harder than the previous night. The bender keeps on going until you realize that there a lot of fish in the sea and you didn't even like her, only the idea of her.
The Celebration Bender
You just got a new job. That investment that no one else believed in just paid off. You graduated from school. You want to celebrate and that's great. This is a bender of joy and fueled by cocaine and various other stimulants. When you wake up on the third day and find out that you maxed out your credit cards and have a knot the size of a boulder in your neck from all the stimulants you took you will start to doubt yourself. Don't stop now, get back on the booze and the stims and finish the bender like a man.
Death of the Beloved Bender
Your best friend just died. Or grandma didn't make it through her heart surgery. This bender usually starts during the funeral. Friends and family are more than obliged to have a drink with you. But one drink is not enough to cover up this type of pain. You hit the Jack a little harder than usual, like so hard that you eventually lose the feeling in your face and you didn't even do any coke. When you sober up from this one there will still be pain, but this time the physical pain drowns out the mental pain. Wasn't that what you were after in the first place?
Loss of Job Bender
What are you going to do now? You don't know how to do anything else. The feeling of hopelessness will follow you throughout the entirety of this bender. You are drinking angry and will not stop until you end up in the ER getting fluids pushed through you so you don't clock out at the age of 36. That does not phase you. And why should it? Keep going! You can look for a job next year.
New Baby Bender
Your wife just gave birth to a new baby boy that is going to be the next Montana and you NEED to celebrate this great accomplishment in your life. Go home and take care of your child. No bender for you, your a father now!