confession story #12

Female, 22
Sydney

I have been wanting to confess this for a long time. So, here it goes. I am a very private person. I need my personal space. But not everyone understands this. I met this guy in one of these social medias few years back. We sorta developed friendship over time. He was (he still is) completely different person than what I am. He is a fun-loving, outgoing, funny guy, that kinda guy every girl falls for. I never thought I'd be that girl but I fell for him anyways.
He used to push my buttons to limits and he made me feel confident about me in myself in all the aspects, be my looks or my attitude. I will always have immense sense of gratitude that he is the reason I feel good about myself. Though we dont talk anymore, you know I will always love you, right?
I was falling for him real bad and I knew he had feelings for me as well. But he always neglected this "thing" we had going on. When our friendship was going strong, he started giving me mixed signals. He used to flirt and talk about our future together. He was a sweet talker. Once I started to believe that those "talks" were genuine, I started developing feelings. Then he drops the bomb about his girlfriend, who I was completely unaware of for the 2 years of our friendship. But he was acting very normal as if that is the most normal thing in the entire world. It did not affect him at all that he was playing with the feelings of two (may be even more, who knows) girls. But I was head over heels in love with him and I let it slide. I accepted him 'friendzoning' me and eventhough I was hurting inside, I never let it show. I comoletely changed my perception of him and started treating him for who he was. Afterall, he was the one who boost my confident, wasn't it? But things started getting weird and awkward when his girlfriend started getting jealous of me and he was jealous of every other guy I talked to or worked with. I couldn't take it anymore. I never wanted to break our friendship but the last straw was when he said that he hated me for being a bitch and a slut. I was always by his side, supporting each and every decisions he made, ignoring all the pain he caused me and he calls me a bitch and a slut. It had come to my self-respect and I couldn't take it anymore so I broke all the ties with him and moved on.
I think i made the right decision and i have no regret about it. But he broke my trust and i, now, have difficulty trusting people. The standards I have set for guys have become too high and my walls have gotten bigger and denser.
Its been 2 years since the incident and I am still wrecked. I have gotten lonlier and I dont know what to do about it. I don't want to set my guards down and be broken again.