A song in my heart part1

Hi... I’m Clear, A boyish, funny, intelligent will at least that what they say... I’m not that beautiful as the other girls but I know I’m beautiful because my mother tell so… People do see that I got no problem because I’m just smiling even though I got pain in my heart. Will that’s me I don’t like to show off I just like to make other people happy.
And everybody doesn’t believe that I got a boyfriend... “Hey you people even if I do act like a boy I do like boys so what’s wrong with you guys?”… I love him actually we are in 7 years relationship and about to get married... I am so excited! so I posted everything in Facebook, Instagram and etc. that I will get married but sadly it was canceled because he don’t want to get a work for our future and my dad don’t want that kind of a guy so he will not get me on marriage so I get frustrated and sad.. I cry and cry and he did come at 6:00 P.M.
He saw me crying in my room and I did tell him “Why you do that? Do you really want me or not? You need a real job for your family and for us. You know that you are getting married but what are you doing nothing? You are an idiot!I prepare everything for you, for us look what you did to me" (Crying) 7 years I wait for the moment that all my dreams will come true that I will have a family but you destroy in an instant" and he said “I’m sorry let me get a Job for us” with a sad face and guilt, and I said “I forgive you because I love you but please do something for us I’m tired to understand everything about you” and he was just silent.
Months later He never find a job and I keep telling and reminding him and he said “will I don’t want to find a job if I will find a job I can’t go to church and pay music with my band.” And I tell him “Hey, you can always serve the Lord while getting in a real job, Look you are a college graduate you can have a better job that being a construction worker. Will the leader in you band? He is an engineer and you look at you he is just taking advantage to all of you? You will just live in poverty if you still stay in there.” But he never listens. He just does what he wants and never seeing what I felt but still I have to understand him because I love him. He is really happy with his friends and forget about me, the truth why I keep pushing him to find a real job because of what people did see him even the people that’s with him in the band look at him as a garbage because he is so poor. I always hearing them putting him down but I am just pretending that I never hear anything. And I am just smiling to him thinking I will help this guy and make him in the top let me see what will happen to that mouth of them. So I have to do what I must do even though they did see me as bossy in front of him will it’s fine by me. Even they will see me as a bad person will it is okay as long as I see result. But sadly I give up because he never understands what I feel or what I ever wanted and I am just silent about it never talk to him much I am just working so that I can forget everything, play game like super Mario, Clash of clans, counter strike, and Lords mobile. I did Love the Lords Mobile I meet more friends in a guild and they’re so nice and friendly. But I never realize it’s a start of the new chapter of my life.

To be continued