Ayahuascapulco 2017 - an individual experience

There was a shaman and a few assistants leading the ceremony. He seemed young, younger than me and he spoke softly and calmly. He gathered the group into the centre of our circle of candles and spoke for quite some time. Soon enough after that he invited people to come and have their first dose of Ayahuasca. It was poured from a large plastic water container into a small, handmade, glazed clay cup. It tasted like I imagine fermented prune juice would. The first dose was much easier to take than I had anticipated. The shaman and his assistants were offering people full plastic cups of water after that but I only wanted a sip to refresh my mouth.

This particular brew took about half an hour to start making itself felt. I switched between having my eyes closed and open - closed was more comfortable but every so often I wanted to check if visual stimulation might trigger something. I experienced mild physical discomfort that was easy enough to ignore by breathing deeply - I just had to remember to keep doing it and even to breathe at all as sometimes it became quite slow. It didn't really feel as if my consciousness changed, at least while I was awake. But some of my thoughts and the images they brought up had a dreamlike quality.

As I drifted into sleep there were some images that were a bit otherly - I was able to focus on them and examine them which is not like my typical dreams. I woke up to the sound of some people throwing up (I later mentally tagged these loud events as 'heroic hurls'... Please, guys, let it come gently.). I sat up but couldn't manage to get comfortable and eventually realised I might also need to throw up. I actually had to bend over before it would come and I was surprised at how much came out as I hadn't eaten anything for several hours. I quickly began to feel much better although, as I was wandering back to my place, I noticed I was a little unsteady on my feet - like I was drunk or this meat-suit I get around in didn't quite fit anymore.

My regular consciousness was more or less in effect again but it wasn't long before I decided to get another dose. This one was quite a bit more difficult to take - it seemed that my body quickly learned to associate that taste with being sick. But I finished the cup and went back to my place. As both of these doses were making themselves felt I would sway back and forth a little, particularly with deep breathing. I didn't try to control this and even started to cultivate the idea that the Ayahuasca had gained at least equal control over these actions. Although I didn't feel it in my mind I occasionally tried to 'broadcast' a message to it - 'You're welcome here'.

Lying down, I drifted in and out of sleep. While asleep, images and thoughts dominated, while awake, it was physical sensations. At one point I interpretted a slight all-over tightness around my ribcage as a hug - the Ayahuasca was in me and it seemed like that was as good a vantage point as any to give a hug. There seemed to be small areas of warmer skin and a kind of pressure or sensation of tightness that would appear and disappear all over my body. I preferred to sleep if possible as this seemed a more likely way to allow the Ayahuasca into my mind. The images and thoughts weren't always unlike my usual dreams but there was a sensation of something being communicated through these images and also a much stronger emotional response than I usually experience while asleep.

After my second dose the need to throw up again arrived more quickly and I seemed to need more recovery time in the bathroom but this time the mild Ayahuasca effects I was feeling lingered. I drifted in and out of sleep and the images are too difficult to recall - except one. Somewhere between asleep and awake an outline formed in dim yellow light of a young woman's face. She didn't seem to be of Western appearance. I was able to hold that image for a little while and it continued to form and then I said 'Yes' to her and she faded. That particular moment was marked by happiness and sadness.

When the sky had become quite light, one of the assistants (who had been singing softly while playing a small harp thoughout the night) made her way around the circle to give everyone a hug. I had been a little cold through the night but she was warm and she thanked me and I thanked her for the music.