I'm sitting in my car, a white 1987 Escort convertible, on the parking lot of a local supermarket close to my home in Germany. It's a vintage car with white leather seats, RS alloy wheels and and a shiny custom dashboard.
I'm speaking to a female friend on the phone as two brothers I used to know walk up to the car. I ask her to hold on and greet the two brothers but something feels odd about them. It's as if I can sense bad intensions.
Suddenly a third person whom I don't know, a man with long dark hair, walks up to my car, aggressively stares me in the eyes, breaks off the front wiper and runs away. I get angry and after hesitating for a few moments, I get out and start chasing him, still baffled at what just happened. Just a few seconds later I'm noticing that someone is driving away in my car. I don't recognise who it is, but looking around I realise that the two brothers have also now disappeared.
I keep running and searching for my beloved convertible. It is now night time and I am carrying some things, one of them being a heavy roll of carpet over my shoulder. Resignation and despair are kicking in as I drop the carpet roll on the ground and shout to the heavens: "Ok, I get it! I'm still not living in alignment with my life purpose!"
Having just finished the sentence I suddenly spot my car in a parking lot, surrounded by police and, from far away, I see a dead body in there and lots of blood all over the windows and white leather seats.
Before I can get any closer a guy stops me, flashing his badge at me, identifying himself as part of a special agency specialising in detecting spiritual awakenings. He escorts me to a police car and as I sit down in the passenger seat all I can think of are the blood stains on my beautiful white leather interior!
The agent starts driving and I want to ask him if he could possibly drive me home but all I get to say is "Could you...?" and he already answers "NO!"
Then I wake up. It is the 9th of February 2018 around 4 am and I'm suddenly wide awake in my tambo in the Peruvian jungle. What the hell did I just dream? And why was this the first dream in years I could actually remember?
Today, almost 6 months later, on the 28th of July 2018 I know a lot more and I finally let the car go after wrestling against the nostalgia ever since. Very fittingly it's the car's birthday today - no better day to let it go off to a new start with someone else, which also means another little rebirth for myself.
The guy who died in my car that night, bleeding all over my white leather seats was myself! It was the old me who was overly attached to a piece of junk that was once a nice car but had been garaged and slowly rusting to pieces for the last 6 years. All those years, wherever I was in the world, I still had that car in the back of my head, always planning to get it fixed and back on the road one day.
But now, thanks to mother ayahuasca and the amazing journey I was on ever since the retreat, I felt comfortable to let the old me die and to start off to new horizons.
I have accepted my dreams as guides since that night and they have become a vital part of my journey.
Farewell, old friend!