mr. self destruct chapters 4-6
Chapter 4: The discussion
"Dear diary,
Hey how are you today? Why in the hell am I talking to a diary? You won’t talk back! You're an idiot and you can go to hell. I'm sorry and I shouldn't be so angry. I have an appointment with Dr. Robson today. Here's what happened.While I waited in one of the waiting rooms, I paced nervously. I was told I could go into office one so I did. I decided to lay down on Dr. Ronson’s comfy couch staring blankly at the ceiling. I was in a daze like state just enjoying the sounds of my heartbeat and breathing. I was waiting for her to finally come in, as I glanced at the clock quickly. I’m not really sure, but I think five minutes had already passed and she was starting to irritate me. This session wasn’t going to be a walk in the park for her, and by the time she was done she would want me admitted or she would think I was normal. My ideations and my flashbacks sure weren’t normal and I think she really needed to hear me out. Maybe talking to someone would help me out a lot. I saw a bowl of starlight mints, so I grabbed one and popped it in my mouth. Finally, a knock came to her office door and she came in. Any longer and I probably would have possibly grew a beard. If she made her patients really wait this long I felt bad for the kids that went and seen her because they got hurt or missed mommy and daddy. “Hi Taison, I’m glad to meet you. I have heard good things about you from the kids and head counselors” said Dr. Ronson.“Thanks, I’m really nothing special. You really just have to listen and pay attention to them. They are like little clients if the camp were a Walmart” I said with narcissism and sarcasm. Dr. Ronson chuckled and slightly snorted. “That’s a good one. But I guess you’re right to some regard. The kids are like little customers.” she said sounding impressed.“I have worked at a few other camps before this one. I have the qualifications to go a lot of different places, I just like working at camps” I said modestly. Dr Ronson was a middle aged woman in her early 40’s who probably had a husband and a small dog. She probably had trouble conceiving or didn’t want any children. She may have seen enough kids at her job that she decided not to have kids. Strike that! She possibly could have had a wife and two small dogs. She most certainly could have dressed them up and carried them around with her. Ya she’s most likely the female half of her lesbian relationship for sure. What actually validated that was a picture of a younger female on her desk who looked like she was in her late 20’s or early 30’s. It was either her other half or she’s really close to her sister. I can almost guarantee all of her family lives around the United States. Dr. Ronson was fairly pretty with creamy white skin. She definitely didn’t look like she got beat with an ugly stick. She had a strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, a button nose, and plump lips. She was also extremely rail thin. She looked like she needed to eat at a fast food restaurant, but I imagine she was a strict vegan or vegetarian. She seemed fairly nice too and she had a lot of degrees and awards on her wall.“So what brings you here today Taison? Is everything ok? It looks like you’re not sleeping enough?” said Dr. Ronson.“Well I’m not sure how to explain my situation without you thinking I’m crazy! I could start from the beginning, but I’m not sure where the beginning really is?” I said blankly.“Start wherever you would like to. I’m not here to judge, I’m only here to listen” said Dr. Ronson.“It all started as soon as I could walk. My parents thought I was delayed compared to my sister. They liked to compare me a lot to her and others around me. I was never perfect in their eyes, I was just Taison. I don’t even know how they came up with my name to tell you the truth. To this day no one has ever told me. I think it was just one of those hasty and drunken decisions. I think I was the winner of the race to the egg and that’s really it. All of the rest were probably drunk or high. Ya let’s go with that theory instead of saying I was a gift from God” I said sarcastically.“I’m not where all the hostility comes from, but I would love to talk to you more about things, because you seem to need someone to talk to” said Dr. Ronson. She seemed to always be the only one that listened and I guess she worried about me. We’ll get back to all of that later. “Let’s talk about your home life. How is the relationship with your family? How do get along with your mom and your sister? Is your dad in the picture?” Asked Dr. Ronson prodding an answer from me. She didn’t understand that she was actually initiating a shut down. I hate talking about personal shit like this. It will take more than one session to understand me. Nice try doc. “It will take a whole session to understand my family life maybe even more. Let’s try another appointment in a few days doc” I said sarcastically. that's how I ended my session diary. Now screw you! It's time for me to go home and watch Mad Men"
Chapter 5: Perception
“Time is 2:10 pm. Patients name is Taison Daniels. Patient seemed agitated and disoriented. Patient looked like he hadn’t had enough sleep. Patient possibly suffers from possible bouts of delusional grandeur. He probably suffers from narcissism and is extremely ego driven. It is also my medical opinion that patient shows early signs of sociopathy. He refused to talk much about his family life or past events. He was rather catatonic and maintained direct eye contact like he was trying to mesmerize me. Patient is going to need a lot of therapy and I don’t know if I can be the one to provide it. He will need to see someone really skilled and I am going to have to start looking now for a referral. I hope I can get Taison to talk more about his home life and his past experiences. This is going to be a full time project, but I’m sure I can get him to crack” Dr. Ronson said into her Dictaphone. She decided she was done for right now and this would be enough notes. Now it was time for her to have lunch. She was going to have egg salad sandwiches her wife made her and a bag of chips. Her wife always packed something for her lunch or for a snack. She sighed a breath of relief, but she knew that this was going to be a tough client.
Chapter 6: Back to reality(Present day)
“Dear diary,
Let's be a little more civil and a lot less angry. Let me tell you about my first appointment with Dr. Ronson. This is how I remember the day…It was 9 am when I rolled over and looked at the clock as the ear splitting alarm blared trying to wake me up. I hit the snooze because I knew I could sleep another half hour. I had to be at an appointment by 11 am. I really didn’t want to go, but I knew I had to because it was for my own mental health. I rolled back over because I just wanted to lay in this warm bed for as long as I could. My appointment was too see Dr. Ronson, the same one I used to see when I worked at summer camp. She had just recently moved to Detroit, Michigan and so did I which was just out of sheer coincidence. She seen me at Starbucks and handed me her business card. She said that she wanted to see me and to follow up on my progress with the other psychologists. I usually had seen her once a year since I worked at the camp, but she wanted me to see her regularly again. I wasn’t sure about it; if I was seeing her regularly that would open up a big can of worms. What would she think about me if she knew even more about me? I still haven’t told her everything about myself and some of the things I told her about myself was a complete lie. The only thing I was best at my whole life was lying. Everyone lies so why not me right? Even white lies or stretching the truth can hurt someone even if you don’t think so! Sometimes people think what someone doesn’t know won’t hurt them, but that’s far from the truth. Dr. Ronson didn’t know I had ideations of violence and that should be something she should know right now (if ever). I neglected to tell her for her own safety I guess. I didn’t need her to think I was crazy and lock me away in a padded room. I was quite normal, I just had the ideations. Have I done bad stuff in my past? Yes I have and I can remember it quite well. I don’t want to have another flashback again. Finally, I was dressed and out the door after putting up with all the negative self-talk. I drove over to Dr. Ronson’s office and arrived at 10:45 am. I guess it was now or never to sit down and open up with her again.“Taison, I can see you now. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be with you in a minute. I have to make a quick call to someone and respond to an e-mail” said Dr. Ronson kindly.Ya diary so that’s how my day went and I’m not really amused yet. Tick tock doc, I don’t have all day. It’s not like I have a clear schedule. Oh by the way diary. Screw you still, as much as you think you’re helping I see no real help yet”