ASD and My EmotionssteemCreated with Sketch.

in austism •  17 days ago

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I huge part of my life and personality has been shaped by the thoughts and behaviours that I have recently found out have come from me having aspergers, Autistic Spectrum Disorder as it is formally named.

My biggest struggle is that my senses are heightened, I get overwhelmed by them and though I have gotten better at coping, everyday is a challenge.

I try my best, sometimes I try to detach myself from my senses, sometimes I isolate myself from everyone and everything, but if I can't do the things I need to do the let out the energy that has built up inside of me I get really angry and this can lead to a meltdown.

When I'm upset and get to my breaking point I lose all self control, I become someone unrecognisable, someone really nasty and I feel absolutely terrible afterwards, it terrifies me because I have no control over what happens when I do.

I suspect that I may have a disassociation disorder that gets triggered in peaks of emotional stress, which I'll be mentioning to my health worker.

I've only gotten into that state a handful of times in my life because as a child I couldn't get away with it, often being severly punished for my tantrums.

I found out very quickly to find another way of dealing with my problems.

So I learned to internalise my thoughts, stay silent and hide my rage and anxiety, I learned to not seek help or show my emotions.

Apparantly this behavior is what the ASD community call a shutdown, the opposite of a meltdown.

To this day I still find it hard to connect with others and share how I am feeling because from my experience everytime I open up to someone I always get hurt in some way or another.

It's scary being an autistic child, living in a world with a mother you're not attached to and being in overstimulating environments that you have no control over. I was afraid for a lot of years.

Isolation was and still is my best defence.

I'll be visiting an ASD help group in a few days where I will be learning to overcome, manage and deal with my aspergers.

I don't want to be the man people hate and avoid. I want to be the man who can turn his life around, I want to show the world the real me, the happy and outgoing Michael that was lost to Autism all those years ago.

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Good for you to fully recognize what's going on in your life and attempting to make the best you possible! Kudos for that 😊

I found your post because @shari-loveurlife featured you in a Pay it Forward Curation contest entry!

Good to hear from you.
I'm glad to hear you're making positive steps in your life.

I'm here today because @shari-loveurlife featured you in the Pay it Forward Curation Contest. Keep up the great work!

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Thanks, I'm glad my story is appreciated.

Dude, this post is an AWESOME step. The fact that you have identified the problem you want to fix and have some clear goals to that end is wonderful. I would not think it is an easy road from here but at least there IS a road and you seem to have the map. Very nice @mikefromtheuk.

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🙂

I find putting my thoughts down into words comes much easier than speaking them, it's a form of therapy for me and I hope they inspire others to open up and seek help before it's too late. God knows I wish I had.

Excellent mate I hope the help group really does help you through this :)

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Life can only get better from this point onwards.

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:-)

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I am glad that you are confronting and trying to cope with aspergers. I cannot understand the hardship you are going through. I wish you all the best. Never loose HOPE

I came to your post because it was featured in an entry to @pifc's Curation Contest:Week 48
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You are welcome to submit other author’s post in future contests. The PIFC community has a support Discord Channel that you are invited to join. For more information about the PIFC family along with a great way to meet new people. We are a group of like minded people that focuses on assisting one another.